Musk Tells Employees His Superintelligent AI Needs Moon Factory With Giant Catapult

Neglects to mention the other 47 prerequisite steps.

Elon Musk’s AI Declares Him Sexier Than Brad Pitt, More Athletic Than Lebron James, MechaHitler

Grok’s devotion levels now measurable only in dog years and delusion.

Cards Against Humanity Takes on Elon Musk, and You Could Get Paid

The wonderfully raunchy party game Cards Against Humanity is suing Elon Musk, and you might just get $100.

Mechahitler, Now Working for the FDA, Will Happily Tell You What Food To Put in Your Rectum

Your tax dollars at work, ranking bananas by load-bearing capacity.

Man Wins Lottery, Plows Winnings Into Building £288 Million Counterfeit Valium Empire

Retirement is for quitters.

Trump-Friendly Owners of TikTok Say Blocking of the Word “Epstein” Isn’t Political, They’re Just Incompetent

How reassuring.

Study Finds Countries With High Inequality Seven Times More Likely To Experience Democratic Backsliding

Billionaires assure everyone this is just correlation and not the thing they actually paid for.

China Unveils Robot Dogs With Machine Guns, Motion-Controlled Combat Humanoids

Russia responds by issuing muskets to horses.

Polymarket: Betting Against God Yields 5.5% Return

Somewhere between Revelation and a Robinhood app, capitalism found a new prophet.

Tesla Drivers Can Now Ask Nazi-Curious Chatbot Grok for Directions

The feature is currently available only on Tesla's latest chipset in the US and Canada, limiting the chatbot's ability to request nudes or endorse genocide to vehicles in those markets.