Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
If there’s one thing that dominated the national dialogue last year, it’s AI. Due to ChatGPT, OpenAI, Grok, and every other form of machine-based learning, many are fearing for their jobs, especially those graduating, as well as anyone who makes mediocre art or music. Meanwhile, many with existing jobs have begun using AI, and as one police department in Utah found out, there are still some kinks to be worked out. Chiefly among them, why a police report turned one officer into a frog.
You have the right to remain ribbit. (LiquidGhoul/Creative Commons)
Christmas came early for the Heber City Police Department in Utah when they began using two pieces of AI software at the beginning of December. Draft One and Code Four make police reports from body cam footage, which sounds like it might be illegal, but apparently not if cops are using it. Code Four records the body cam footage and tracks tone and sentiment from conversations. Then Draft One turns it into the police report, which would typically take a human cop an hour or two to write. It should be (ominously) noted that Draft One’s parent company, Axon, is the same company behind the Taser, which is kind of shocking, especially if you’re on the receiving end of it.
This police report, however, claimed that an officer shape-shifted into a frog. Sergeant Rick Keel explained to Salt Lake City’s Fox affiliate why and how that happened. “The body cam software and the AI report-writing software picked up on the movie that was playing in the background, which happened to be ‘The Princess and the Frog,'” he said. “That’s when we learned the importance of correcting these AI-generated reports.” There’s no word on why the software didn’t shape-shift him into a princess, but everyone’s relieved that it was an animated Disney film playing, and no one at the residence was watching porn.
According to AI, this may be an officer of the law. (LiquidGhoul/creative commons)
Keel says he’s not the most tech-savvy person, but that makes sense, since he’s also a frog. However, since this report came out, he’s apparently caught three suspects and about 87 flies. Did the department learn from its mistake? Kind of. Code Four/Draft One costs $30 per officer per month, and the trial run with it ends at the end of this month. The Heber City PD plans to continue using at least some form of AI, however. Keel says that Draft One is very user-friendly, which is totally something a tailless amphibious vertebrate would say. Some say that using AI to generate police reports may cause officers to be less careful with their writing. This does absolutely nothing to dispel that.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
