Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
Alaska prosecutors filed seven felony charges against The Knights of Ni LLC and its owner, Ryan Carroll, alleging more than $500,000 in fraudulent Medicaid billing, an amount that easily buys both a shrubbery and a tasteful path down the middle.
An Alaskan shrubbery or a Canadian one? (Courtesy of Mercury Studios Media Limited)
Officials say the company was dissolved in 2024 for failing to meet licensing requirements, which is a polite way of saying the company’s current legal status is somewhere between ”stone dead” and “pining for the fjords.”
According to a criminal complaint filed Oct. 23 in Anchorage Superior Court, the case followed an investigation by the Alaska Medicaid Fraud Control Unit. Carroll operated as a care coordinator who helps disabled clients navigate services, which mean less silly walks and more silly paperwork. The Department of Law declined to comment, perhaps because nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition during pretrial.
Investigators say they received a tip about an “inappropriate relationship”. Records purportedly showed monthly visits to multiple clients on the same date and time, but at different locations, as if galloping between them on imaginary horses while banging coconuts together. In other instances, required forms went missing, like the son of a Scottish King escaping out of a castle window. Investigators argue that this is either fraud or wizardry without a permit.
(Tenor)
By the state’s count, roughly $519,855.73 in claims over a one… two… five-year period from 2018 to 2022 lacked sufficient documentation. Regulators warned that missed reports risked up to 19 Alaskans losing care, which is not the sort of challenge you answer by building a larger, more expensive castle next to the first one. A preliminary arraignment is set for Nov. 21; the case awaits a judge, a bail decision, and a final decision on the judge’s favorite color..
Online records list no attorney for Carroll yet, though one may appear after a brief stop at the Argument Clinic. Until then, the LLC remains involuntarily dissolved, insisting “it’s just a flesh wound.” Proceedings will continue once the court determines the airspeed velocity of an unsupported claim. African or European, counsel?
(Tenor)
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