Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
Two brothers found a message in a bottle on a beach in the Bahamas. But there was no need to call the Police, because the note wasn’t sending out an SOS – just a letter from a high school kid in the 1970s saying that he was taking an oceanography class. Not quite as thrilling as a map leading to buried treasure, but still a nice story in its own way.
A lesson for the kids out there: It turns out that some messages recovered from bottles at sea are kind of boring. (WCVB Channel 5 Boston/YouTube)
The brothers were combing a beach, perhaps bored and just looking for stuff, when they found a glass Pepsi bottle with a paper crammed inside. This raises several important questions, including: Why were the brothers randomly walking on a beach when there is so much compelling new television to watch on streaming platforms? And who buys Pepsi, anyway?
A 14-year-old student in Massachusetts apparently wrote the note in 1976. Then it was found nearly 50 years later during a coastal search in the Bahamas, according to one of the brothers, who says he has found over 100 messages in bottles throughout North America. It was unclear if this is the most boring of all the messages he has found.
“This story is like something out of a movie,” said some random guy. “Admittedly not a very exciting movie, but maybe one of those slice-of-life movies where nothing much happens, and you still leave feeling warm inside. Like Lost in Translation. That was a good flick, did you see that one? Hey, you want to hang out later?”
Believe it or not, someone actually bought a Pepsi. (WCVB Channel 5 Boston/YouTube)
A local news team in Massachusetts tracked down the writer of the 49-year-old message, who presumably is no longer in high school, and connected him by phone with the explorer brothers. The man didn’t remember writing the boring note, but did remember enjoying the oceanography class. The brothers are hoping to one day be able to deliver the dull note to him in person.
According to the bland note, it was thrown into the sea by the Coast Guard. The slightly interesting story could be shopped around for a potential 10-part documentary series, which believe it or not would probably be watched by a bunch of people.
This article is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
