I definitely prefer a burger to a clown, with or without a dishwasher. (bhofack2/depositphotos)
If there’s one thing that unites this country—besides the fear of clowns, our inability to agree on how to load a dishwasher (don’t get me started), or that soccer is boring—it’s the humble burger. And on August 21st, we get to celebrate National Burger Day – it should be a National Holiday, but it isn’t. Write to your local politician. Or just eat another burger.
The Origin Story Nobody Asked For
What’s the significance of August 21st? Nobody’s really sure. Maybe it was a monumental moment in burger history when patty first met bun? Or did America just randomly decide it needed one more excuse to eat its body weight in ground cow before doing it again on Labor Day? Historians—by which we mean “people who Googled for five minutes”—say the burger hails from Hamburg, Germany. Then it got Americanized in the way only America knows how: more cheese, more toppings, another burger as a topping, and then deep-fried.
Fancy Burgers: Just Because We Can, Doesn’t Mean We Should
Today’s burger scene is pure chaos in the best (and sometimes worst) way. Want Wagyu beef freshly massaged? Sure. How about replacing the bun with a doughnut and topping it off with lobster? Absolutely. Want a vegan burger that “bleeds” but still tastes vaguely like memories of disappointment? We’ve got you covered.
National Burger Day is when restaurants unveil creations like the Bunless Burger Tower—two patties in place of bread—or the Breakfast Burger, which is basically a hangover cure masquerading as a sandwich (and, let’s face it, tastes amazing). Cardiologists may disagree, but what do they know about burgers???
Beef patty? Check. Sausage patty? Check. Hashbrown? Check. Fried egg? Check. Cheese? Check. Coronary? Check. (Richard Cole/Odd News)
Can You Celebrate Without Clogging Your Arteries With Beefy Goodness?
Short answer, no. So just enjoy the day, and if you’re celebrating at home, remember: “medium-rare” doesn’t mean “cold and raw in the middle.” And yes, an air-fryer burger counts… though your uncle with the charcoal grill in a thunderstorm might disagree and remove you from the family. He overcooks his burgers anyway.
Burgernomics: How Much is Too Much to Remove From Your Wallet
In 2025, burgers can be anything from a $3 fast-food quick fix to a $300 “gastro-boutique” experience where the bun is baked by monks during a vow of silence. Thanks to inflation, your favorite greasy spoon now offers a “Value Meal” at a price that makes you reconsider your career choices. Bottom line, though, if the world’s falling apart, you might as well face it with melted cheese and burger grease on your chin.
