Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
Son of a bee sting! A weatherman in Australia recently got a bit flustered after getting stung just before going live on the air, and his telling of the story included a naughty word which just might have scandalized the very prim and proper nation Down Under.
The bloke was in Melbourne to cover a sand sculpture championship – you know, typical TV weatherman stuff. After the two news anchors – in their comfy, temperature controlled, bee-less studio – threw it to the intrepid weather person, he immediately informed them that things were not okay: “This is so weird, I was just stung by a bee. I don’t want to be a drama queen,” which is what people say when they’re acting like a drama queen.
Sorry about the bee sting on the thumb, but what about that magnificent sand art just behind you? (Sunrise/YouTube)
The weather fellow showed viewers the thumb from which he had pulled the bee stinger, and confirmed that the sting did indeed hurt. He went on to retell the incident from the beginning, colorful language and all: “I just felt something land on my head, and I thought I’d been [pooped] on by a bird,” he told the anchors. He apparently did not realize he’d used a cuss to describe the imaginary bird defecating, though he deserves a break for correctly conjugating it in the past tense.
The anchors did seem to realize that a curse word had been said, and the woman laughed awkwardly, as the male anchor gave the camera a look of both confusion and dismay – news blooper compilations, here we come!
Internet math: An awkward laugh from one anchor, plus a look of shock from the other, equals comedy gold. (Sunrise/YouTube)
The bee was shown nearby on the ground, still alive but not in good shape. To be a good weatherman, you need to be snarky and wisecracking, and so he said of the bee, “He died doing what he loved. Hashtag: Pray for him. Look, we are here for the sand sculpting championships, of course.” He stopped to acknowledge the clunkiness of his transition, then said he needed a moment to regroup before he could properly turn to the ever-important art competition.
“The funny thing is that bees are considered one of the least threatening animals in Australia,” said an expert on the land of kangaroos and Crocodile Dundee. “It’s a nation full of all kinds of crazy things, like deadly snakes, spiders, and other stuff most people haven’t heard of or even dreamt of. In fact, it was the fifth animal attack of the day for that reporter, which is about the typical daily count for the average Australian.”
“The real shame is that such beautiful and creative sand art was overshadowed by this incident,” said a tourist standing on a beach. “This is why I’ve always said that bees don’t contribute anything positive to the world, and I’m sure most people would agree with me. We should definitely try to exterminate them as quickly as possible. I mean, what’s the downside?”
This article is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
