Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
What could possibly go wrong? (Campbells)
Are you an alcoholic who’s slowly realizing that you need nutrition along with your sweet, sweet alcohol? Do you like soup, but wish it had more of a kick to it? Well, we’ve got great news for you! The fine folks at Campbell’s Soup have teamed up with the guys at Pabst Blue Ribbon, whose name is still milking winning an award 132 years ago, to create a beer-infused soup. Chunky PBR Soup will be launching at Walmart in September, and then quite possibly back out of your mouth shortly afterwards.
While the soup is perfect for those who like their meals with a hint of despair that tastes slightly like Williamsburg, Brooklyn in 2003, the launch party for the collaboration happened across the river, at Lower East Side dive bar Ray’s. Soup/beer enthusiasts were treated to either beef, bacon and chili, or potatoes and chorizo soup infused with PBR, and there were quite a lot of fanboys there. Although it seemed like many were way more excited about the beer than the soup.
The NY Post found one such enthusiast who was dressed in a PBR shirt with a PBR hat and sneakers. While he wasn’t wearing any visible soup merch, he was a bit Chunky. “I don’t get heartburn from it,” the Staten Island resident said of Pabst, as good a reason as any to pledge your allegiance to a beer, but maybe not enough of one to entirely devote your fashion sense to it. There’s no word on whether the soup gave him heartburn, although we’re assuming it might have.
“A dive bar just felt so true to the combo of soup and beer,” a Campbell’s Chunky Soup spokesperson stated about the pop-up at Ray’s. If this works out, there could be plenty more collaborations with food and alcohol on the horizon. We all could use some food to disguise our booze habits, and with many people drinking less these days, this could be a great way to reintroduce people to alcohol.
The possibilities are endless, but here’s a starter menu:
- Linguine with White Claw Sauce
- Progresso Prosecco
- Pepperidge Boones Farm
- Captain Morgan Spiced Ham
- Four Cheese Loko
- Peroni Pizza
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
