Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
If you enjoy Scotland, whimsical stories, and farm animals, boy, do we have a story for you. A farmer was recently reunited with one of his animals after it left home. The animal was a chicken that flew the coop, and it didn’t just run off randomly like it had its head cut off; it went in style, winding up 25 miles away from home via a Land Rover.
Chicken run? No – chicken hitchhike. (facebook/davejacobs1967)
A man named Dave Jacobs told the BBC Scotland News that he found the chicken in the road wandering around the coastal town of Stonehaven in Aberdeenshire, Scotland, which he called “random.” If the first thing you do when you see something random is chase it around, then you’re not us. Jacobs, however, not only did so, catching it after two tries, but brought it to a house nearby that had chickens and left it with the couple there. He then posted about it on social media, because, well, why not?
This must have been one hell of a distinctive chicken, because not only did the couple realize that it wasn’t theirs, but the farmer somehow saw Jacobs’ post online and reclaimed his bird. The farmer claimed that some chickens sit on the wheels of cars at his farm, and a friend had driven to Stonehaven on Saturday, so presumably the fowl was hanging out on the spare tire and survived a 25-mile ride. “Dave, I’m not s***ing you,” the farmer replied on Facebook. “That hen roosted on my neighbour’s Land Rover back wheel last night, apparently. Belongs to me.” The farmer showed up the following day and took the chicken home, where he’ll presumably continue keeping it until he gets hungry.
A relatively bad reenactment of the scene of the crime. (facebook/davejacobs1967)
“I had to get away because I’ve been feeling cooped up,” the chicken said. “It’s so hard to get a ride these days, though. I was going to call Uber, but first of all, it’s hard to use a smartphone with these chicken fingers, and also, they tend not to pick up animals. Lastly, I don’t have a phone. I found out that if you just hang out on a car, sometimes humans are dumb enough not to check, and that’s what happened here. I finally make it to the sea, and I was about to do some sightseeing, when some guy starts chasing me and throws me in another coop. What a buzzkill. I’ll tell you this, though, now that I’ve had a taste of sweet freedom, Stonehaven hasn’t seen the last of me.”
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
