Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
CERETÉ, Colombia — In a bold move to ensure their daughter never gets a personalized keychain at an amusement park, Colombian parents proudly registered their newborn as Chat Yipiti Bastidas Guerra, a name inspired by the AI program ChatGPT.
This child will grow up knowing that it may provide inaccurate information about people and places. (dennizn/depositphotos)
Chat Yipiti Bastidas Guerra now joins an elite club of children named after technologies their parents barely understand, right next to that Brazilian kid named “Blu-Ray” and that Argentine girl whose middle name is “WiFi_Password”.
According to her parents, the name is a “tribute to the age of artificial intelligence,” which is a noble sentiment if you overlook the fact that the age of artificial intelligence is mostly known for deepfakes, hallucinated court filings, and AI-generated covers of Smash Mouth featuring Freddie Mercury.
Before settling on Chat Yipiti, unverified sources say the parents considered a variety of other AI-inspired names, including:
- Bardito, which was rejected when the baby immediately apologized for existing
- Midjurney, but only if she was born with 12 fingers and a suspicious extra arm
- Clippy, which the National Registry refused on the grounds that the child might spend their life asking if people were writing a letter
- Alexa María, vetoed by an uncle who feared the baby would accidentally order 400 kilos of Pampers
- Stable Difusión Ramírez, the parents realized this would mean the child could only be described by twelve words or fewer, with four coming out blurry.
- Bing José, was the original frontrunner until the doctor pointed out that the baby would grow up insisting, “Actually, I was first, Google just copied me.”
- NotAGPT Morales, rejected by Name Registry officials because the name was already taken by 600 different scammy Telegram bots and one guy in Panama.
Wait. Name Registry?
In Colombia, government registrars are given the authority to reject names that might “expose a child to degrading treatment,” but apparently “Chat Yipiti” didn’t raise any red flags. Presumably because the registrar thought the kid’s last names roughly translate to “war bastard” and just gave up on humanity right then and there.
This is the same agency that previously nixed such classics as “Miperro” (translation: My Dog), “Satanás” (translation: definitely not My Dog), and “Grand Theft Andrés.”
You, too, could grow up to live inside a PlayStation 5. (Rockstar Games)
Child psychologists have warned that names like Chat Yipiti might lead to emotional distress, playground bullying, or becoming a tech support meme by age seven. One expert added, “Kids named after AI bots are more likely to respond with, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t understand that prompt,’ when asked to clean their room.”
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
