Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
If there’s one thing you learn from working with other people, it’s that you need to have a certain degree of respect for your co-workers. Among the proper office etiquette: always flush the toilet, you disgusting jerk. If the copier is low on paper or toner, it wouldn’t kill you to replace it. And most importantly, if you don’t want to get shot, under no circumstances should you reheat fish in the microwave. While actual shots weren’t fired at a Myrtle Beach, SC, police station, one officer is out of a job after pointing his gun at an offender.
This isn't a cop, but someone should call the fashion police regardless. (weyo/depositphotos)
We’re not saying that you deserve to have a gun pointed at you for firing up some flounder or reheating some red snapper in a microwave. Then again, we’re not saying that you don’t deserve it, as there’s nothing more rank than the smell of someone else’s gross old seafood pervading your nostrils. In fact, the pervasive odor sticks with you once you leave, which would explain why you had all those cats following you that one time.
Michael Debiase, who used to be a police officer, had an issue, or as we call it, a fissue, with a fellow officer who decided to nuke some fish. He confronted the unnamed seafood-lover, which led to a bit of a dust-up – and then the government-issued gun came out. Although there were two victims here, the one not having his senses assaulted by oceanic odors got the police involved (probably by just yelling “police!”), and Debiasie was arrested.
The Myrtle Beach Police Department’s Office of Professional Standards and the South Carolina Law Enforcement Division pretty much instantly placed Debiase on administrative leave. Not long after, the MBPD stated that they’d “recently separated employment” with him, which is a pretty classy way of saying “you’re fired.”
“Based on information learned during the Office of Professional Standards investigation, several policy violations were identified,” a statement from the PD said. They didn’t state whether the gross smell of seafood permeating their building was one of them. It is illegal to point a firearm at someone in South Carolina, even if it’s unloaded. And while Debiase should have known that, he may have been blinded with rage, or just pointed his gun at the other guy for the halibut.
Debiase’s bond was set at $5,000 during a hearing, with the next hearing set for August. And while he might be out of a gig in Myrtle Beach, he could probably get hired somewhere else doing private security. We’d suggest not at any seafood restaurants. In fact, maybe he should leave Myrtle Beach and go somewhere inland, since it doesn’t seem like fish agrees with him.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
