Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
If you were in Grant Parish, Louisiana, recently and saw something that looked a little weird, that’s because you’re in one of the weirdest states. We mean that in a good way. Between cajuns, a holiday that rewards flashing with worthless plastic beads, and lots of swamps, it’s a hell of a lot more distinctive than, say, Iowa. But if you were to have looked up in that town at some point in time and thought that maybe something was a little off, you were 100% correct.
This black crow doesn't look hard to handle at all. (facebook/GrantParishSO/)
A small town in the state, Grant Parish, is about two hours from Shreveport as the crow flies. But the crows that fell from the sky onto grounds at the federal prison weren’t actually crows, but decoys delivered via drone that were full of drugs, and now two women from Texas may well be joining the fake birds in prison there.
There are plenty of ways to smuggle contraband into prison, like a file hidden in a cake, or drugs brought in via places in your body where they truly shouldn’t be. This could be a new one, however. Melanie Jean Worthington and Kassy Marie Cole, both from Texas, were apprehended after using a drone to fly in crow decoys that were filled with things that weren’t the rest of the crow. Namely, tobacco, drugs, and cell phones. While that sounds like a fun weekend for some, the majority of those things are strictly forbidden in prison.
This is a real crow that doesn't need drugs because it's high on LIFE. (Gordon Leggett/Creative Commons)
The women admitted that they were paid $40,000 to smuggle the contraband into the prison, which they did by releasing them from the drones onto prison grounds. While there’s undoubtedly a mastermind behind this, they weren’t named in the sheriff’s report, perhaps because, unlike birds, these women aren’t singing. The crows did look somewhat realistic, although closer inspection shows that most crows aren’t wrapped with duct tape, which was the first giveaway. The second giveaway was probably the drones, although maybe that order was reversed. Generally, crows are able to fly without being assisted by drones.
The two women were booked on possession of marijuana with the intent to distribute, possession of synthetic marijuana with intent to distribute, possession of methamphetamine with intent to distribute, and taking contraband into a penal institution. Cole even had an outstanding warrant. It doesn’t say what the warrant was for, but perhaps, given her experience with crows, it was for murder. The crows were booked on suspicion of impersonating real crows and for giving more fuel to the “birds aren’t real” fire. Those people think that all birds are actually drones, and for once, they were right.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
If this story made you blink twice and question the timeline, just wait. The wonderfully weird never sleeps at OddNews.com—and frankly, neither do we.
