Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
McDonald’s announced the return of the McRib on Monday, bringing with it America’s second-favorite correlation between processed pork and cryptocurrency speculation. The sandwich returned to most U.S. locations on November 11, accompanied by a tweet from Senior Market Executive Guillaume Huin, whose message referenced Bitcoin and S&P 500 performance in a way that has compliance officers at both McDonald’s and the SEC reportedly asking, “Who the hell approved this?”
A rather sad-looking McRib, probably because it knows what's going to happen to Bitcoin. (Robson90/depositphotos)
The tweet from Huin observed that “some claim Bitcoin and S&P500 tend to perform well after the McRib makes a comeback, particularly in 2017, 2020, 2021,” a statement that technically uses the word “some” as liability insulation. Huin did not elaborate on who these claimants are, whether they possess securities licenses, or if they’re the same people who claim chemtrails control Ethereum prices.
McDonald’s legal department has declined to confirm whether Huin authored the tweet himself or if it was generated by an algorithm trained exclusively on Reddit stonk memes. When pressed, McDonald’s legal department indicated they had no comment on the tweet’s origins beyond confirming it “exists” and that they “wish it didn’t.”
The McRib Effect Theory dates back to 2017, when both the sandwich and Bitcoin reached peak cultural saturation. According to the X account @internbrah, and if you can’t trust a guy named @interbrah, who do you even get your financial advice from bruh, Bitcoin rose 237%, 71%, and 58% following McRib returns in 2020, 2023, and a 2024 U.K. release, respectively. His research methodology consisted primarily of comparing sandwich availability dates with cryptocurrency price movements, a technique that peer reviewers have classified somewhere between “creative” and “grounds for revoking academic credentials in the unlikely event they have any.”
The correlation proved less reliable in November 2021, when the McRib’s return preceded a 74% Bitcoin collapse, which incidentally is also why it’s called a correlation. Analysts noted this represented the sandwich’s first documented association with financial ruin, excluding previous incidents which gastroenterologists described as “several days of your life you’ll never get back.” Traders who purchased both Bitcoin and McRibs during this period reported losses in multiple asset classes, some still measurable in bathroom visits.
Despite mixed historical performance, crypto enthusiasts remain unfoundedly optimistic about the 2025 McRib launch. Social media posts describe investors as “bullish” on the sandwich’s return, although perhaps the letters “it” just fell off the end of the word. Several prominent traders have posted images of themselves holding both McRibs and hardware wallets, a photograph combination previously thought impossible outside of parody.
Valdrin Tahiri, analyst at CCN, offered a less optimistic technical assessment. He explained that Bitcoin appears to be entering the final stage of an A-B-C corrective pattern, specifically the C wave that has been developing since August. Tahiri noted the RSI and MACD indicators have fallen below bullish thresholds without generating positive divergences. It remains unclear what the hell he was actually talking about.
When asked for clarification, he sighed and said, “I cannot emphasize enough that sandwiches are not a technical indicator.” His statement has since been widely shared by traders who unsurprisingly interpret it as evidence that he is wrong.
McDonald’s has not commented on whether the sandwich’s performance as a financial indicator affects its menu strategy, though internal documents reportedly show marketing executives googling “wtf is RSI” and “can we be sued for this.”
Huin has not issued follow-up statements clarifying his Bitcoin remarks. The executive’s Twitter account has since posted only standard promotional content about French fries and seasonal beverages, neither of which have yet to establish correlations with digital currency markets. McDonald’s corporate communications referred questions to the legal department, which referred them to the marketing department, which referred them back to the tweet itself, wishing everyone “good luck with that.”
McDonald's official post chose to keep the announcement a little more… brief. Or "legal," as some may say. (McDonalds/X)
As of this writing, Bitcoin traders continue to operate under the impression that cryptocurrency prices are determined by market forces rather than sandwich promotional calendars. The disconnect between technical analysis and McRib enthusiasm remains unresolved, much like the question of what exactly constitutes a “rib” in the first place or why anyone thought combining financial speculation on fake money with fast food would lead anywhere positive.
Although, to be fair, no one can explain the disconnect between Bitcoin market forces either. While the price of Bitcoin may go up for no reason or it may go down for no reason, one thing is for sure: its underlying value will remain unchanged.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
