Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
In a discovery that terrifies insurance adjusters, a dog named Buddy has been photographed behind the wheel of a working Ford Model T. His owner, Bill Williamson, swears it’s perfectly safe because “Buddy thinks he’s doing something special.” Which is technically true, but only in the same sense that wearing socks counts as birth control.
This is a photo of a Ford Model T, but not of a dog driving it. In case that wasn't clear. (LeeSnider/depositphotos)
Williamson, a self-proclaimed lifelong trainer of “canine chauffeurs”, decided his dog could handle the controls of a century-old automobile. It’s unclear whether this was inspired by Lassie, Knight Rider, or a drunken bet at a truck stop diner, but Buddy was game because dogs always are. Buddy climbed onto the seat, put his paws on the wheel, and instantly achieved more automotive reliability than the entire Chrysler K-car line.
Onlookers were thrilled. Children waved, adults cheered, and one guy muttered, “Finally, someone on the road who actually uses a blinker.” Witnesses say Buddy only signals right turns because his tail wags counterclockwise.
Buddy’s driving accomplishments have now been added to the long list of bizarre human-canine collaborations, somewhere between bomb-sniffing dogs and that one greyhound who invented jazz fusion. Williamson insists this is just the beginning. “Next, we’re teaching him parallel parking,” he said, a phrase previously believed to be impossible in English.
Automotive historians, meanwhile, are buzzing. Henry Ford once famously said, “You can have any color car, so long as it’s black.” What he didn’t mention was, “You can have any driver, so long as it licks itself clean.”
This is Hachikō, who couldn't drive a Ford Model T. In case that wasn't clear. (Picryl/Public Domain)
And in one final surreal twist, amateur archivists discovered Buddy’s lineage traces back to Hachikō, the famously loyal Japanese dog. If true, this means Buddy isn’t just driving a Model T. It means he’s completing a centuries-old mission to finally pick up his owner from the train station.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
