If you've got the guts—and the fingers—to pull this off, go for it, but we don't recommend it. (Odd News Show/Canva)
Disclaimer: While this story is fingered with facts, it also contains legal levels of satire.
In a legal showdown that will make Lady Justice glad she’s blindfolded, the state of Vermont has agreed to shell out a whopping $175,000 to Gregory Bombard, an expletive enthusiast who got himself in hot water after giving an obscene gesture to a state trooper—twice.
"I can't watch this, sh*t." (Jo Zimny Photos/Flickr)
The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) of Vermont announced the settlement this week, finally bringing this six-year battle over a traffic temper tantrum to a close.
It all started back in February 2018, when Vermont State Trooper Jay Riggen believed he had been flashed the middle finger by Bombard during a routine drive-by in St. Albans. Bombard claims he didn’t do it! He was simply trying to show the trooper his unique brand of sign language. Gosh! The officer let him go with a warning, but Bombard had a better idea.
He admits that at that point, he did, in fact, unleash the full power of his baddest finger, accompanied by a few choice four-letter words, as a parting gift to the trooper. Bold move considering they do carry weapons, but ok, go off, king.
Trooper Riggen promptly stopped Bombard again. This time, he arrested the finger bandit for disorderly conduct and treated him to an hour-long stay at the local jail.
Handcuffs can't hold these fingerguns. (Kindel Media/Pexels)
Charges were dropped immediately, but Bombard was not about to let middle fingers lie. He seems like a fun guy!
Bombard convinced the ACLU of Vermont to file a lawsuit on his behalf. Their claim? That Bombard’s First Amendment right to flip people off like a total badass had been squashed like a bug on a windshield.
In a decision that thrilled rebellious teenagers everywhere, the state of Vermont agreed—and awarded Bombard a finger-popping six figures.
Practicing their right to remain silent, the Vermont State Police had no comment on the settlement and did not admit to any wrongdoing, for obvious reasons.
So, what’s next for this free-speech warrior? Probably flipping off a bunch more authority figures, just as the Founding Fathers intended.
These birds gotta fly. (Gabe/Pexels)
USA! USA! USA!
