Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
“Buy the ticket, take the ride,” Hunter S. Thompson once said. However, he wrote that about Las Vegas, and was speaking in metaphor, likely about drugs, while under the influence of drugs. A Florida man bought a ticket to take an airboat ride in Christmas (that’s a town in Florida – this actually happened last June), and during the “Alligator Encounter” part of the experience, he got to experience an alligator up close. Too up close, however, as he’s suing after being bitten in the face by one.
"This whole lawsuit is a crock, even though I'm not one" – a gator. (airboatridesatmidway.com)
The plaintiff, Edil Kasenov, should really have no excuse, as he’s a Florida resident. We’re pretty sure that upon moving to Florida, you’re given two rules. The first is “there are no rules whatsoever,” and the second is “but maybe don’t approach an alligator, since they get a little bitey.”
Airboat Rides at Midway, the defendant, doesn’t seem to mind gators, however, as they’re listed among the attractions of their business. Their website states that the gators’ favorite thing to do is “pose for pictures with guests.” It also states that most of the gators have the same name, Hollywood, because they’re local celebrities. It should be noted that Hollywood is also a town in Florida, but it’s nowhere near Christmas, and they’re named after the Los Angeles neighborhood. Confused yet? Us too!
Kasenov is suing for negligence, with the suit stating that there were “no warnings, signs, or other devices to warn or indicate the vicious nature of the subject alligator.” And while the suit says he suffered disfigurement, mental anguish, and loss of capacity for the enjoyment of life, among other things, he couldn’t have been injured that badly, since the suit only seeks $50,000. Also, the suit was filed only a few weeks ago, probably because it’s coming up on a year since it happened.
“I don’t know why he’s suing,” said Hollywood when contacted for comment by Odd News. “Have you seen the guy? He just has one of those biteable faces. Also, we’re alligators. We bite things, that’s what we do. If I’m being honest, I was a little scared for myself, since he was wearing a pair of Crocs, and I know that we’re not the same because their snouts are shaped differently, but I had to show him who was boss.”
Meanwhile, Airboat continues to offer gators as part of their experience, but the pics on their site show that the animals have their mouths restrained. Did they always do this, or did they just start muzzling them once Kasenov got his non-consensual Alligator Encounter? Hollywood isn’t saying, mainly because he can’t open his mouth.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
