Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
Inspiration strikes in the oddest places, but sometimes it can be ripped straight from the headlines. A few weeks back, the weather was the headline, with much of the nation in a deep freeze, that some of us are still digging out of. It was so uncharacteristically cold in Florida that there was an epidemic of frozen iguanas falling out of trees. And one enterprising pizza store in North Palm Beach decided that when life hands you iguanas, make iguana-ade – or at least offer iguana as a topping on their pies.
This non-frozen iguana doesn't even like pizza. (Rjcastillo/Creative Commons)
Bucks Coal-Fired Pizza has stopped making the iguana topping available, and we’ll get to the reason why in a minute, but first, we should explain the frozen iguana phenomenon (iguanamenon?). As cold-blooded animals, it only takes the temperature dropping to about 40 degrees for them to hit a state of temporary paralysis known as torpor. Since they mostly hang out in trees, when that happens, they fall out of said trees and literally chill on the ground until the sun hits them and wakes them up.
Iguanas are an invasive species in Florida, but it’s illegal to handle them. Is it illegal to eat them, too? We’ll get to that, but more about this Sunshine State deep freeze first. There were so many frozen reptiles that the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission allowed humans to collect them and bring them to collection sites, with almost 5,200 brought in. A little less than a third were given to permitted handlers to re-home or sell out of state, and the rest were euthanized. Which is where the pizza comes in.
Bucks owner Frankie Cecere said a friend called him up, asking, “How do you feel about me bringing in some iguana meat and making iguana pizza?” He agreed, then made a video showing him making the iguana pie. To say it took off would be an understatement, as he said he got 1,500 calls for pies made with the tree-fallen topping. Of course, with great virality comes great scrutiny, and apparently an upset iguana or animal activist called the health department on him, claiming they had live iguanas at their establishment. It probably didn’t help that the initial video features his buddy saying, “Bring iguanas to this place, we’ll make you a pizza.”
And while there were no live iguanas at Bucks Coal-Fired Pizza, they’re still working out the details as to whether they can legally offer the iguana topping. “I thought it would fall under catch and cook,” Cecere said. “You don’t need a license to harvest iguanas, because they’re an invasive species, but apparently, there’s no statute for it.” So the iguana remains off the menu for the time being, although if you’re in the market for an oddball topping, Bucks still literally offers bucks – there’s a pie made with a venison crumble. And that deer probably didn’t fall out of a tree.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
