Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
Let’s face it, a time capsule is one of those things that sounds exciting but is usually a big letdown. And recently, a New York high school continued this trend when it opened a package of underwhelming goodies from decades past.
The school in Smithtown, on Long Island, took two decades to amass a time capsule from 1973 to 1992, which seems like a heck of a lot of procrastinating to finish a fairly straightforward assignment. And to top it all off, the capsule was then lost and forgotten about for years, leading to it not being opened at the scheduled time in 2017, but eight years later instead. The school definitely gets a tardy slip for that one.
Using a garbage bin for the time capsule was a bold choice. (smithtowncsd/Instagram)
In contrast to romantic notions of how a time capsule might be found and opened, this one was discovered by a janitor in a storage closet. Though in fairness, Long Island is known for having some of the most ornate, beautifully adorned storage closets in the nation.
And the “capsule” in this case was actually a big plastic garbage bin, which is not usually a good sign of a time capsule containing exciting wonders from the past. “The gray garbage bin,” said a local person, “might have caused it to blend it with other janitorial supplies, leading it to be lost in the first place. But hey, what do I know, I’m just a regular guy, and I’ll leave the time capsule designing to the certified experts.”
The principal's expression, somewhere between slight amusement and indifference, sums it up nicely. (smithtowncsd/Instagram)
Some items in the time capsule, which was unpacked on social media by the principal, included a glass mug from the Class of ’82; a 1973 fall athletic schedule; a VHS video yearbook from the early ’90s, with the principal quipping that anyone out there with a VCR to lend would be helpful; and a Student of the Month certificate from June 1992. Was that particular Student of the Month the one who suggested including that certificate in the time capsule? We may never get a satisfactory answer.
“All in all,” said the local person, “was it worth the decades to create the time capsule, and then more decades until it was discovered and opened? The answer seems to be a resounding, ‘Yeah, it was okay, I guess. I mean, it was kind of cool. Sort of.'”
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
