Seized giraffe dung (X/U.S. Customs and Border Protection)
There’s odd news, and there’s downright bizarre news, like trying to smuggle giraffe poop into the U.S. to make a necklace. Yup… OK, let’s break this one down, feces by feces. A woman flew all the way from Kenya to Minnesota with a box of giraffe shit in her luggage. And not just any giraffe shit, mind you, but the finest quality giraffe shit, hand-picked by the woman herself from the savanna. She told customs officials that she planned to use the droppings to make a necklace, because nothing says “I love you” like a string of dried animal waste around your neck.
And if that wasn’t weird enough, she also admitted that she had previously used moose feces at her home in Iowa for the same purpose. Moose poop! From her home in Iowa! I mean, where do you even find a moose in Iowa? And why would you want to collect its poop? And how do you explain that to your neighbors? “Hey, Bob, nice lawn. By the way, do you mind if I borrow some of your moose poop? I’m making a necklace for my sister.”
(Getty Images)
The customs officials were, unsurprisingly, not amused. They confiscated the box and destroyed it with steam sterilization. Which sounds like a euphemism for something much worse. They also warned the woman that bringing fecal matter into the country could cause serious health problems. I don’t think you need a medical degree to know that wearing animal poop on your skin is not a good idea. Unless you’re into that kind of thing. In which case, I don’t want to know.
This is one of those stories that makes me question humanity. I mean, who does this? Who looks at a pile of giraffe poop and thinks, “Wow, that would make a lovely necklace.” Who travels across the world with a box of poop in their luggage? Who risks getting sick or arrested for the sake of some crappy jewelry? Literally crappy jewelry!
I don’t know about you, but I think this woman needs some help. And maybe some better taste in accessories. Oh good god I hope she doesn’t taste her accessories…
