Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
Make no bones about it: An exciting prehistoric discovery of dinosaur fossils was made on the grounds of a high school in Queensland, Australia. A boulder had been sitting outside of the school for two decades, but when a paleontologist recently decided to look “down under” the rock, there were dozens of fossilized footprints of the Pisanosaurus, which apparently is a type of dinosaur.
It’s clear from the concentration of footprints that Pisanosauruses were not concerned with giving personal space. (University of Queensland)
Other dinosaur discoveries have been made in the region in recent years. This led a scientist to examine the school boulder, which seemed to have one or two footprints visible to passersby but hadn’t been closely examined. Apparently, the school hasn’t covered the scientific method in its curriculum yet.
When the large rock was flipped over, the scientist happily hit rock bottom and found 66 footprints from 47 individual dinosaurs.
If anyone tells you that parking lots are boring places that never have any dinosaur fossils, don’t believe them. (University of Queensland)
The footprints are believed to be nearly 200 million years old, from the early Jurassic period. They come from the Pisanosaurus, a small dinosaur not to be confused with the Paisan-osaurus, which is of proud Italian descent and boasts a rich history and some of the most delicious food in the world.
Perhaps the arms of the Pisanosaurus were long enough for them to occasionally walk on four legs, you know, just to mix things up. (University of Queensland)
“These fossil discoveries are a tremendous feat,” said a paleontologist specializing in the Jurassic period, with a minor in pun usage. “The scientific community was caught flat-footed at first, but these footprint findings have helped us jump feet-first into our understanding of dinosaurs in the region.”
The scientist who discovered the fossils noted that the Pisanosauruses were likely herbivores with long legs, short arms, a small head, a beak, and “a chunky body.” It is unclear if the topic of body shaming is covered in paleontology school.
Fossils are not only valuable windows into the past, but also make for some nifty arts and crafts projects. (University of Queensland)
Another paleontologist said the fossils were exciting, and he hoped one day to figure out a way to bring actual dinosaurs to life. “I don’t see a downside,” he said. “I mean, the worst-case scenario is that the dinosaurs get loose and attack people, but Hollywood has taught us that would only lead to exciting, heart-pounding action and entertainment.”
The scientist added, “At the very least, the idea could make for a good book or movie. It could have a catchy name, something like Jurassic Garden, or Jurassic Recreation Area. I’m still brainstorming ideas in my spare time.”
This article is based on fully factual news, so if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
