Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
Breaking a ping-pong record is a feeling few of us will ever get to experience. (The Spin Duo/YouTube)
Two men from Sweden recently broke the world record for the longest continuous table tennis rally at 13 hours, 37 minutes, and 6 seconds. Although, it is possible that people have previously played ping-pong for a longer time and were just too embarrassed to admit it publicly.
The duo only beat the previous record by 30 seconds, leaving the door open for other weirdos — sorry, people — to eventually surpass the new milestone.
It’s a true warrior who needs to use the bathroom but finds the will to hold it in for another 12 hours. (The Spin Duo/YouTube)
The players went through four months of rigorous training, which was mostly practicing not being bored to death by playing ping-pong for over half a day. The rules for the record required the athletes to play the game continuously and not to do anything during that time that would meaningfully contribute to the world in any way.
“Everything was done by the book,” said a referee at the event in Malmo¨, Sweden. “And I learned a valuable lesson: I need a new line of work.”
Truly inspiring: If ping-pong record breakers can get multiple sponsorships, then perhaps all of us can. (The Spin Duo/YouTube)
Friends and family were also in attendance, and deserve congratulations and flowers of their own for such an impressive feat of prolonged fake enthusiasm.
Afterward, the players offered to donate their record-breaking paddles to various museums in Sweden for display, to which the museums collectively replied, “Umm, that’s okay, I think we’re good. Thanks anyway.”
This article is based on fully factual news, so if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.