Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
VOLO, Ill. — The Titanic exhibit at the Volo Museum took on water Tuesday night, 114 years to the day after its namesake settled onto the floor of the North Atlantic. Staff arriving Wednesday morning found water around the tires of a Renault once owned by John Jacob Astor, who in 1912 did not get off the boat.
This week's flooding was definitely not as severe as 114 years ago. (RawPixel)
“The irony of any Titanic exhibit flooding is strange enough, but the fact that ours flooded on the exact anniversary of the Titanic’s sinking is more than ironic; it’s almost paranormal,” said marketing director Jim Wojdyla, a man who also sells tickets to the museum’s paranormal train tour and is currently being handed the business opportunity of his career at gunpoint. Wojdyla declined to specify whether the Titanic exhibit had been upsold to a combination ticket. He did not decline firmly.
The exhibit holds roughly $6 million worth of vehicles previously owned by Astor, Benjamin Guggenheim, and Lady Duff Gordon, three Titanic passengers whose surviving personal effects are apparently haunted by spirits that still prefer to be found near water.
Guggenheim, dressed in his best, went down as a gentleman in 1912. His car, dressed in its best, went down again in Illinois Tuesday. Lady Duff Gordon, who fled the original sinking in a lifeboat built for forty with eleven people in it, continues her streak of arriving at the scene dry. Staff used towels.
The museum has declined to speculate on causes beyond the paranormal. Tickets are still available. The exhibit remains, as of press time, the most historically accurate Titanic experience in North America.
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