Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
COUNCIL BLUFFS, Iowa — A county supervisor who appeared intoxicated at public meetings on at least seven occasions over 13 months has resigned his position rather than face formal removal proceedings, though the county attorney is pursuing removal anyway on what legal experts describe as “extremely well-documented grounds.”
Scott Belt, probably hiding the smell of alcohol. (Andrew Smith/Council Bluffs Nonpareil)
Scott Belt, chair of the Pottawattamie County Board of Supervisors, submitted his resignation after the county attorney filed a complaint alleging Belt had conducted official business while drunk enough that bar patrons texted the bartender to express concern, suggesting Belt’s condition had achieved the rare distinction of being both a public concern and a viable liability.
The complaint notes Belt’s intoxication was “very quickly apparent” when he arrived at a local establishment before a November 5th supervisors meeting, where he ordered two additional alcoholic drinks despite already being visibly impaired, as one does.
Witnesses say Belt argued with other customers, poked a female patron in the back repeatedly after what was described as “a weird argument,” and delivered unsolicited commentary on transgender bathroom policy. One patron advised Belt not to attend the scheduled board meeting. Belt insisted it was merely a “meet and greet” and he was “fine,” then walked out carrying his alcoholic beverage in a to-go cup like a man with priorities.
The following day’s town hall meeting featured what the complaint characterizes as a comprehensive demonstration of impairment. Belt ran into a banner, tripped over a chair leg, knocked over a microphone, struggled through the Pledge of Allegiance, and then launched into nearly five minutes of rambling remarks with slurred speech, all captured on video. At one point he approached a female presenter from behind, placed his hands on her shoulders, and invaded her personal space in a manner also preserved on film.
Other supervisors escorted Belt out of the meeting and informed him that he could not return. Belt became “loud and belligerent,” calling one supervisor a “jackoff” and repeatedly threatening to “kick his ass,” combining the vocabulary of middle school with the judgment of someone who’d spent the afternoon drinking heavily. He later told a reporter that he was not drunk and attributed his behavior to medication. He declined to name the medication or explain how it causes one to run into inanimate objects, forget the national pledge, and assault colleagues verbally in public, but he was very clear that it was definitely medication.
The resignation should have ended it, but the county attorney filed for formal removal anyway, pursuing Belt’s ouster from an office he’s already left. A judge suspended Belt from his former position. A committee will now select a temporary replacement for a vacancy that already exists while lawyers argue about whether you can remove someone who’s removed themselves, a legal question with no practical purpose except proving that bureaucracy, like nature, abhors a vacuum and will fill it with paperwork. Belt is gone. The process continues. The county moves forward, having learned that six drunk meetings are fine but seven is a bridge too far.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
