Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
County Clare spent the weekend on lion watch after a timber haulier caught video of a “lion-like animal” padding through Mount Shannon woods, prompting at least one man to check his backyard shed for gladiators.
Somebody forgot his coat… (gardainsta/instagram)
Local forest manager John O’Reilly, who received the clip from the startled driver, said it looked real enough. “People can make their own mind up,” O’Reilly said, bravely handing judgment to a planet that once voted “Boaty McBoatface.”
From there, the county divided into camps: shaggy deer, budget lion, and “someone shaved a dog for the craic.” Locals parsed frame-by-frame like it was the Zapruder film’s fluffier cousin. “Enhance,” they said to their thumbs, as nothing enhanced.
Gardaí in Killaloe treated it as a public safety issue. Officers canvassed the area, which is Irish for “rang a cousin who has a farm.” The public was urged not to approach the animal, which is solid advice whether it’s a lion or a poorly shaved dog.
On Monday, the “lion” was identified as Mouse, a very friendly Newfoundland recently treated to a “Lion King makeover,” which is what happens when your groomer watches one TikTok too many and nobody says stop in time. Officials thanked the public and say the groomer may be charged with first degree animal cosplay.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
