Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
AMSTERDAM — Security officers at Schiphol Airport stopped a Canadian woman this week after determining that the bulge in her bra was a live ball python, and that she was not just happy to see them. That’s what she said.
Not THE ball python, but this was clearly prefers hands than bras. (piyagoon/depositphotos)
The snake was found under her clothing during a routine security check. Her explanation was that she found the snake at a hotel in Amsterdam. The NVWA’s published response to this was “We highly doubt that.” Even if that were true, what kind of person would find a snake in a hotel room and then conclude the reasonable next step is to stuff it in your bra and walk through airport security? Perhaps she was trying to make her own personal Snakes on a Plane sequel.
In March, officers at the same airport seized 261 suspected wild parrot eggs, one of which hatched in custody, giving one very small parrot the shock of its life. Between the eggs and the python, Schiphol airport is one loose flamingo away from being reclassified as a petting zoo with a runway.
The NVWA used the moment to reiterate that passengers cannot take protected animals with them on a trip. “Not even if you found them on the street,” the agency added, which strongly implies “I found it on the street” is something they’ve heard before, possibly that same week. Somewhere a man is looking at his carry-on badger and reconsidering putting it with his checked luggage.
The python, described by authorities as safe and well, could not be reached for comment.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
