Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
Comet? I don’t see a comet. (WPBF via Cox Center Science & Aquarium/YouTube)
Y’know, a World Record is a pretty nebulous thing, and if you ask us, probably pretty easy to achieve. We’re not saying Guinness will certify anything, but if you’ve ever stood on one foot and thought, “I could set the world record for this,” someone’s already got you beat. There’s a fine line between someone being a little eccentric, and needing a certificate to state just how eccentric they are.
However, if you feel the need to make it official, all it costs is $5 and a dream to apply (and another $7k plus if you want an official adjudicator to certify it). So, if you’re a Florida museum trying to drum up business for your dinosaur exhibit and want to try to set a world record no one else would break, why the hell not?
That’s what went down in West Palm Beach, as the city and the Cox Science Center and Aquarium teamed up to attempt to break a world record for the largest gathering of people dressed in dinosaur costumes. Is that a dumb record? You bet jurassic it is! But since the record had already been set, why not try to out-stupid stupid? The previous record, set in 2019, was 252 people. But with the museum just opening their Dinosaur Safari exhibit, they figured that, with West Palm Beach’s “Screen on the Green” showing Jurassic Park on the city’s Clematis Street, it was a (dumb!) record made to be broken, WPBF reports.
We’re not sure if the museum or city told old retirees that tried to qualify themselves as dinosaurs that they didn’t count. We’re also not sure if any of the dinosaurs from a private club also in West Palm Beach made any cameo appearances in or out of costume. Regardless, the town and museum nearly doubled the old record, with 468 people showing up to shatter the relatively idiotic previous peak.
Back when dinosaurs actually existed, Florida was underwater, so there were never any real T-Rexes, stegosauruses, or velociraptors in the state. If any did show up to last week’s event, they would’ve thought the whole thing extinct. But according to footage from the museum, it was totally made official, and they even had a fancy adjudicator from Guinness to show up with a certificate and everything to make it super-official. The record stands for now, but if you and 468 of your closest friends with dinosaurs want to break it, it’s yours for the taking.
This article is based on fully factual news, so if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
