Of all the chocolate bars out there, Kit Kats may be among the most thoughtful. Even the ‘little’ guys have two strips of chocolate-covered wafers, while their normal-sized siblings have four. If you’re rationing your chocolate intake (which you shouldn’t be, c’mon, live a little), you can save some for later. Or if you’re an all-around nice person, you can share your chocolatey treat without trying to break a Snickers bar in half like some kind of maniac. However, over in Europe, someone decided not to share at all, stealing a truck full of 12 tons of the delicious contraband.
If they're caught, these might not be the only bars the thieves see. (kitkat/instagram)
This happened in Italy, when a truck bound for Poland with the oddly specific number of 413,793 Kit Kats disappeared while en route from production to distribution. So not only are tons of chocolate missing, but a truck is as well. How could things get worse? How about having it happen the week before Easter, with Kit Kat corporate daddy Nestle stating that this may lead to a shortage of Kit Kats on shelves, meaning kids all over Europe might get extra licorice jelly beans in their Easter basket instead, which is truly an international tragedy. Perhaps to save face, they later said in an Instagram post that supply wouldn’t be affected, losing an opportunity to sell more candy by making people hoard chocolate bars like gold bars.
“We’ve always encouraged people to have a break with KITKAT—but it seems thieves have taken the message too literally and made a break with more than 12 tonnes of our chocolate,” a spokesperson for the company said, proving that they’ve got jokes. They warned, obviously, that the stolen chocolatey goodness might wind up through “unofficial sales channels.” So if you’re at a train station in Europe and a man in a trenchcoat walks up to you and says “Psst, you look like you could use a break,” then opens the coat to display a row of Kit Kats, he might not be a legitimate seller.
The good news is that each bar has a batch code you can scan, and it will tell you whether it’s been stolen. Because who doesn’t want to scan a candy bar with their phone before eating it? That would also probably consist of them telling you not to consume the candy bars in question, which you’ve gone out of your way to purchase from a guy in a trenchcoat, but it’s for the greater good as far as Nestle is concerned.
While Nestle isn’t making money off this, in addition to the still-at-large thieves, other people are profiting off this choco-catastrophe, and those people are the Internet. A meme coin named Kit Kat took off on Solana after the story broke (into four neat strips). The coin went up 203% in an hour and 2,121% in 24 hours, with over 1,800 transactions and $92k in volume, so if you were in the right place at the right time, you may have been rich in meme coin and chocolate. More like Bitecoin, right?
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
