Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
Emergency personnel rescued a man who had become stuck inside a tube slide at an elementary school playground on a recent late afternoon. It was unclear if the man, 40, worked at the Connecticut school, was a parent, or perhaps was just a huge slide enthusiast, which is understandable.
It was also unclear if there were any children in the playground when the man got stuck, because they likely would have teased him mercilessly. It’s bad enough to get into a painful and embarrassing situation without a bunch of children mocking you as well. The man was wedged in the middle part of the tube slide, according to the local fire department, which experts say is one of the top five most common sections of a tube slide to get stuck in.
Local heroes got the man out of a tough spot. (Town of Vernon Fire Department/Facebook)
The man was in “extreme discomfort,” according to the fire department, which provided him with oxygen during the rescue. Ventilation was also provided in the slide because of concerns about the hot temperatures. As for any potential lasting effects related to embarrassment, other officials may be needed going forward to address that.
Along with the fire department, local police and EMS also helped. The liberation process involved removing a section of the slide, and the man was freed in under 30 minutes. The man refused any medical treatment afterwards, and it was unclear if his days of going down slides were over, or if this was just an unfortunate blip in his recreational journey.
Underneath a majestic sky, a beautiful day for a slide saving. (Town of Vernon Fire Department/Facebook)
A local official told reporters afterwards, “Unfortunately, the incident caused this area to go from a playground to a serious-ground. Does that joke work? I’m still workshopping it for the evening press conference.” At which point all of the reporters avoided eye contact with the official and slowly walked away.
After the valiant rescue, the firefighters treated themselves to some good old-fashioned free time on the monkey bars and slides, but only the open slides and not the tube slides, just to be safe. “We figured, hey, we’re here at a playground, so why not enjoy ourselves?” said one man. “There’s nothing firefighters enjoy more than a game of freeze tag.” Asked if they played the Floor is Lava game, his face turned serious. “No, we in the firefighting community don’t play the Floor is Lava, because there would be nothing fun about that situation. And frankly, that question was in poor taste. Shame on you.”
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
