Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
If there’s one thing we know about Detroit from all those Robocop movies and 8 Mile, it’s that our frame of pop culture references started in 1984 and ended around 23 years ago. If there’s another, it’s that the city can be pretty tough in parts. At least that’s the reputation, although recent crime statistics show that maybe pop culture isn’t the only thing we’re behind on. However, recently there was an intruder that scared a grown man onto a car as it ran towards him, and it was a goat. We’re not talking about Jordan or Serena Williams here, we’re talking about an actual goat.
You know what really gets his goat? Goats. (Youtube/@FOX2Detroit)
The goat in question is named Smokey (or Smoke, according to another source), and that’s not the oddest name in this story, considering that the scared man Dae’lan Scott has a brother named Jupiter Star. Last week, Smokey escaped from his home and went on a rampage, or at least a tour of the neighborhood. The brothers were hanging out, but the goat’s approach led Dae’lan to scream like Ned Flanders and scramble up onto the roof of a car.
While the clip has gone viral, honestly, seeing a random, out-of-context goat running towards them would be enough to send most people scrambling. Fortunately, Jupiter checked to see if his brother was okay, then his mom ran out with a knife that she thankfully didn’t have to use on Smokey to usher her son to safety. The story gets even odder from here, however, which is what you come to Odd News for.
The brothers found the goat’s owner, and they didn’t have to go far. There’s a holistic healing center and vegetarian cafe down the block called the Psychedelic Healing Shack, and if you think its owner might have let a goat that they own jump a fence and walk around the neighborhood, you’re not wrong! Smokey is one of three goats owned by Shack proprietor “Dr. Bob” Pizzimenti, but the only one to terrify a neighborhood, as Perfect and Angel didn’t escape. Dr. Bob said the goats are usually calm, but that’s easy to say when they’re not running towards you unexpectedly on a Wednesday.
It turns out that Dr. Bob has a fight on his hands, and it’s not from the brothers, who have made peace with the goat and said they’ll know where to bring it next time that might happen. Nope, this fight is with the city of Detroit, which found the viral clip of Dae’lan’s shrieking less funny than most and hit Dr. Bob with a citation for possessing wild animals without a permit. He’s fighting them on it, but it’s not the first time there have been issues involving animals and Dr. Bob, according to the city’s court records. In the meantime, the goats remain, and Smokey is secure.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
