Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
Ever go to a baseball game? It can be a thrilling spectacle that will keep you on the edge of your seat as elite athletes tee off (that’s the right sport, right?) against each other. Or it can be pretty boring as well. In fact, some of the stuff that happens around the game can be more exciting.
Take me out to the *barf* game. (my1px/depositphotos)
T-shirt gun? Bring it on! Mascot races? Sure, why not?! Or the new trend making its way around the MLB among fans, the 9-9-9 challenge, which involves eating 9 hot dogs and having 9 beers within one game, which is, of course, 9 innings. This trend tends not to end well for anyone involved, except for perhaps food vendors.
First off, this is a rich man’s game. Even the cheapest beer at Dodger Stadium is $10. Throw in a hot dog at $8 and you’re looking at a $162 challenge – and that’s if you can make it, which most normal people can’t.
Los Angeles is a town of dreamers, however, and per a sports betting site that compiled social media data, Dodgers fans are third in the league in attempting this challenge. Over 4,028 slobs have apparently tried to do this since opening day, with only the Yankees (4,528 attempts) and, of course, the Philadelphia Phillies (4,868) sitting above the Dodgers. And this author is a Philly fan – they take being called fat and gross as a compliment.
Check out the video above, or just about any of the other attempts you can find online. Nine beers and nine dogs sounds relatively doable at first, but think about 108 ounces of Coors Light sloshing around in your stomach intermingling with whatever the hell is in a hot dog – times 9. Then keep in mind that you have to do this while a game is happening, and since they’ve tightened up the game by reducing the time in between pitches, that’s not really all that long. Even the portly gentleman in the video above, who looks like he could easily do the challenge, wound up purging.
Per the math, every game that’s about 35 fans of both vomiting and Dodger baseball doing the challenge. We’re assuming at least 32 of them wind up hugging a trash can by the seventh inning stretch, or getting queasy and giving up by their third beer.
At least this trend is only beer and dog-centric. If it were clam chowder and Sam Adams at Fenway Park for the Red Sox, or Brats and brews at whatever the Milwaukee Brewers call their park these days, things could go even more sideways.
At least with the baseball season drawing to a close, the trend will likely die. And so might you if you try it, even if it’s only of embarrassment after your TikTok followers see you lurching towards a bathroom.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
