Disclaimer: While this article is based on black-and-white facts, it does contain some artificially dyed satire.
Some visitors to a zoo in China are feeling duped after they were expecting to see panda bears, only to discover that they were actually looking at dogs with trimmed fur dyed black and white to resemble pandas. Sure, the dyed dogs were cute, but it’s hard for any animal to compete with pandas, who are not only fluffy and adorable but also endangered – making them the kings and queens of cuteness in the animal kingdom.
You're the panda now, dog: The panda dye didn't fool many people at the Taizhou Zoo in China. (Weibo – straits_times/Instagram)
The Taizhou Zoo, in China’s Jiangsu Province, defended itself by saying they were clear that they were showing “panda dogs.” A zoo spokesperson said the animal dye was applied safely and did not cause harm to the Chow Chow dogs. “People also dye their hair,” said the employee. “Natural dye can be used on dogs if they have long fur.” The official continued, using logic that’s hard to argue with, “There are no panda bears at the zoo, and we wanted to do this as a result.” Umm… fair enough? The spokesperson said the panda dogs are popular and drawing long lines of visitors.
“That dog breed is native to northern China,” animal expert Makepeace Fakkename noted about the Chow Chow dogs, “and they are extremely cute. It’s just a tough break for them to be compared to pandas, who are the Michael Jordans of cuteness.”
Why should we care more about some animals just because they're cuter? Think about it, man. (Weibo – straits_times/Instagram)
“I’m sure it’s hard to get your hands on a real panda,” said one zoo visitor who didn’t mind the tomfoolery. “So why not get another cute animal to get kinda close to the real thing? My kids aren’t very bright, so I just told them that they were little pandas, and they believed me, and everyone had a great time.”
Panda bears are endangered and cute, and worthy of our love. (Manfred Werner, Tsui/Wikimedia Commons)
“All animals are really the same, we just assign value based on cuteness,” said Alex P., a college sophomore studying animal ethics, who means well but is pretty insufferable to have a conversation with. “Why should cute pandas be worth more to us than an ugly animal? Why is it okay to eat cows but not horses? Think about it, bro.”
One parent said she liked the panda dogs because, “I can tell my kids that if they don’t behave, we’re not going to see the pandas, instead we’re going to see the sad fake pandas where bad kids go who don’t listen.”
This article is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
