Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
South Korean police announced Tuesday they’ve finally arrested a man in his 50s who managed to make nearly 60,000 prank calls to emergency hotlines over the last two years. Authorities say the sheer volume of calls strained resources, wasted manpower, and briefly tricked officers into believing they’d been subscribed to Spectrum’s phone plan. The maximum penalty he faces is five years in prison or a fine of 10 million won ($7,000).
Police are far too busy walking children around the city to respond to 60,000 calls. (pius99/depositphotos)
In one particularly unhinged bender this past May, the man dialed emergency services 1,882 times in just four days. This averages out to once every three minutes, which means his car warranty probably actually did expire. Officials say his main grievance stemmed from an earlier penalty he received for… making too many prank calls. Yes, this man’s entire strategy is “have you considered more crime?”
The man alternated between saying he would kill his brother, that he was keeping his brother locked up, and that he himself was being held captive. When police asked for how long, he said “10 years.” Authorities say they are still unsure whether his brother exists, whether he exists, or whether the whole family is just trapped in an amateur Escape Room.
He later told officers that he picked up the habit because he lived alone and called every time he got drunk, which must mean his liver is at death’s door. “Some people call exes,” said one detective. “This guy calls 112 and tells us he’s being held hostage by his sofa.” Police confirmed he’s already been fined seven times since last year for false reports, but after ignoring repeated summonses, they’ve now escalated to full arrest.
If nobody's calling, these operators can finally take a nap on the job. (Mircea Moira/depositphotos)
Local experts warn that if not punished, the man could easily relapse. “Imagine 60,000 more fake emergencies,” said one official. “We’re talking national security-level butt-dialing.”
In the meantime, he’s being held without access to a phone, which is expected to reduce South Korea’s emergency call volume by roughly 30 percent overnight. On the downside, Verizon has already texted him an offer for unlimited prank-calling data.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
