Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
A camping trip at Shaver Lake took an unexpected turn Saturday after a man reportedly attempted to retrieve a dropped pair of sunglasses from a vault toilet, prompting an emergency rescue operation that everyone involved regretted in one way or another.
Maybe not THE toilet, but I'm sure he could get stuck in this one, too. (dmiiva1987/depositphotos)
Emergency crews arrived shortly before 2:30 p.m. after reports that a person had fallen into the toilet’s holding tank. According to the Fresno County Sheriff’s Office, the man spent roughly 10 to 15 minutes inside the vault while responders organized a rescue.
Officials said the man was eventually pulled to safety, decontaminated, and informed that in the future, he should just let it go, man, because it’s gone. Just like his dignity. On a more positive note, the man was able to confirm that, currently, there are no clowns lurking underneath. Currently.
The rescued camper was not seriously injured and walked away after being “thoroughly hosed down” by firefighters. Sources say his sunglasses remain at large and will likely be recovered by archaeologists several thousand years from now, who will not be able to stop giggling.
Campground regulars said the incident immediately entered local folklore, joining the ranks of that one time a guy attempted to barbecue indoors during a thunderstorm, and the family who spent three days searching for car keys that turned out to be in the ignition the entire time. Rangers confirmed that while both of those stories are unverified, they are still more plausible than anyone voluntarily entering a vault toilet for any reason.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
