Family disputes have existed since Cain and Abel decided they didn’t like each other that much. There are so many familial feuds that there’s a game show about them, which actually has little to do with the families themselves fighting. It’s hard to tell from day to day whether the brothers in Oasis and The Kinks are getting along or quarreling. And there are enough succession battles in business that the HBO series seems more like a documentary than fiction. But none of those instances hold a candle to Anthony Pappalau, an upstate New York man who was arrested after trying to stab a family member, particularly because of what he was wearing when apprehended: a cow costume.
This photo is of an actual cow, but she certainly looks guilty of something. (Keith Weller/USDA)
The Rotterdam Police received a call about a domestic dispute, where it was reported a man tried to stab a male family member with a knife, then attacked him with his car door, hitting him in the leg before hoofing it out of there, fleeing to neighboring Schenectady County (Cow-nty?), where he was detained and is now grounded beef.
The news articles haven’t said exactly where the 47-year-old Papaplau was caught, but it could’ve been in a field or at a butcher shop. He was charged with a felony count of second-degree attempted assault and is also facing misdemeanor charges of second-degree reckless endangerment, second-degree menacing, and fourth-degree criminal possession of a weapon. By our cow-culations, that could add up to a lot of jail time.
None of this explains Pappadau’s choice of attire, but Sheriff Craig Apple said that “such behavior appears to be expected from him,” which has us even more intrigued. Is he a spokesperson from Chick-fil-A? Was it a two-person cow costume, and he was just running around with half missing? And did he attempt the stabbing while wearing the costume, or change into it afterward to try to fit in, or as we call it, to cow-maflauge himself? There are far more questions than answers, including why he tried to stab a family member in the first place, but then again, it’s not uncommon for there to be some sort of beef between relatives.
Regardless, it’s a shame that Pappadau was steered into a life of crime by a family argument, but maybe he could use a bit of bovine intervention. And who knows, maybe HBO will want to make a series about this family dispute. Perhaps he should hire an agent and continue to milk it for all it’s worth.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
Think reality can’t possibly outdo this? Adorable. Wander over to OddNews.com and let the chaos continue.
