Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
In the ever-expanding world of “someone will buy this,” a 33-year-old gallon of McJordan BBQ sauce has reappeared on eBay, ready to dunk your wallet for just $6,000 or best irrational offer.
The sauce, which dates back to 1992—a time when Jordan had hair and McDonald’s still pretended to innovate—was part of the McJordan burger promotion. The McJordan was a Quarter Pounder that came slathered in all of MJ’s favorite toppings: cheese, onions, pickles, mustard, bacon, BBQ sauce, and the haunting memory of Craig Ehlo.
A Gallon of Michael Jordan’s McDonald’s BBQ sauce is for sale again. Somewhere, a Raptor just shuddered. (fanaticscollect/Instagram)
This wasn’t just any sauce. This was limited edition, regionally released, probably flammable sauce. The burger it came with was only sold in Chicago and the Midwest, because apparently, nobody east of Indiana deserved greatness.
Back in 2012, the first known gallon of McJordan sauce was listed online by Mort Bank, a former franchise owner and proud archivist of “things that smell funny now.” After being ignored for months, the bottle finally sold for almost $10,000 once news broke that someone was seriously trying to sell ancient meat sauce like it was a rookie card.
Now, more than a decade later, another gallon has emerged. Maybe it’s the same one, maybe it’s a second gallon from some dark condiment vault in North Dakota, or maybe it was scraped off the bottom of the Bulls locker room sink. Either way, it’s being listed as “unopened,” which is technically true in the same way “Taco Bell meat is technically beef” is true.
The listing also comes with promotional materials, including a poster and a basketball hoop, presumably to distract buyers from the fact that they are paying luxury car prices for expired liquid meat glaze.
Does this come with a certificate of authenticity or just a waiver from the CDC? (Rare McDonald's Memorabilia/Ebay)
And yes, it is very likely that opening the bottle at this point would result in a chemical warfare tribunal and several birds dropping dead within a two-mile radius. Still, this barbecue sauce joins the elite pantheon of weird Jordan memorabilia that inexplicably gets people bidding as if it’s the Finals and the sauce just elbowed Reggie Miller.
Fun Facts™:
- The McJordan was the first McDonald’s burger named after a person. The second was the “McRib,” unofficially named after your uncle’s last functioning internal organ.
- Scientists estimate the sauce could now be used as industrial sealant, or as a backup if Chicago runs out of road salt.
- “Unopened” is listed in quotes. Interpret that however you like, but probably wear gloves.
Notable eBay Buyer Comments:
Bought one of these in 2012. Opened it on a dare. My dog stopped speaking to me and now the local squirrels worship the bottle.
– 🔥 DunksWithSauce69
I paired it with some leftover Chicken Selects. My colon filed for emancipation.
– 🍟 FryByKnight
This article is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
