Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
ORLANDO, Fla. – Morgan & Morgan, the personal injury law firm whose commercials air so often they’ve technically qualified for syndication, is suing Disney to let them use “Steamboat Willie” in their ads. The firm’s argument is simple: if Mickey can drive a boat without a license, surely you can drive a forklift into a fountain and still sue your employer. For the people.
Morgan & Morgan vs. Mickey at the start of their UFC cage match. (Walt Disney/Public Domain)
The issue started when Morgan & Morgan noticed that “Steamboat Willie,” Disney’s 1928 animated short, finally slipped into the public domain. They politely asked Disney’s lawyers if it was cool to borrow the mouse for a few ads. Disney politely responded with: “We don’t give legal advice to third parties,” which in lawyer-speak roughly translates to “we’re gonna sue you so hard you’ll wish you’d been hit by a different boat.”
Disney has not commented on the case, probably because they’re busy trying to trademark the phrase “wholesome childhood memories” and sell it back to us one $12 churro at a time.
Morgan & Morgan’s proposed ad is in black and white, featuring Mickey driving a steamboat on land, colliding with Minnie’s car. Minnie immediately does what any responsible accident victim would do: whip out her smartphone, ignore her injuries, and call a law firm before she calls an ambulance. A booming voiceover interrupts to remind viewers that Disney in no way endorses this message, though one assumes Disney’s lawyers are already making popcorn.
Industry insiders suggest that if Morgan & Morgan wins, other firms will line up to use iconic public domain characters for ads. Expect to see “Sherlock Holmes for DUI defense,” “Winnie the Pooh for mesothelioma claims,” and “Dracula: call today, he’ll suck the blood out of your premiums.”
Legal experts say this case could set a precedent for whether corporations can own your nostalgia forever, or whether they have to let the rest of us play once it gets old. Either way, the real winners will be YouTube commenters explaining that Walt Disney himself once filed a lawsuit over the exact same thing, which is historical irony given how Disney handles IP lawsuits these days.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
