Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
Poland has officially reopened one of Europe’s dumbest theological debates after FlixBus restored the infamous Route 666 between Kraków and the Baltic resort town of Hel. Proving once again how easy it is to “offend” boomers on social media with apt metaphors for what their generation did to our planet..
This bus is paved with good intentions. (Wikimedia Commons)
The route had spent the last three years as the considerably less apocalyptic but far more sexy Route 669 after repeated complaints from 10s of supposed religious conservatives who argued that sending Bus 666 to Hel amounted to state-sponsored Satanism. Transit officials eventually relented because it’s so hard to explain irony to willful morons.
As usual, the compromise satisfied almost nobody. Tourists mourned the loss of what had become one of Poland’s coolest attractions, while internet users were forced to seek dopamine elsewhere. Some reportedly rode the entire thirteen-hour route simply to tell friends they had taken the Highway to Hel without ever having to explain that Hel is, in fact, an actual seaside town populated mostly by beaches and locals wondering why this of all things is a hot tourist attraction.
The company insists the service fills a genuine transportation need. During summer, traffic to Hel becomes so congested that motorists often spend hours questioning every decision that led them to this point, making the biblical branding less metaphorical than initially intended.
Religious groups have yet to announce whether they will resume their campaign against the number, or if they’ll ever actually do anything along the lines of what Jesus said to do. Given that most of them are just elaborate grooming operations, it’s unlikely.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.