Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
VANCOUVER — A new pop-up museum in Kingsgate Mall invites visitors to experience the material consequences of human error, displayed without irony in a space typically reserved for phone case kiosks and MLM knife sets.
Don't fail to head to the Museum of Personal Failures. Or just fail, and join in with the theme. (museumofpersonalfailure/instagram)
The Museum of Personal Failure was conceived by Burnaby resident Eyvan Collins following the conclusion of a romantic relationship. “I just needed to do something with it,” Collins told reporters, which is historically how most museums, and indeed most bad decisions, begin.
Collins distributed posters across the region with the headline “Failures Wanted,” a recruitment strategy most recently employed with great success by the Vancouver Canucks front office.
“What it has become is an anthropological look at what constitutes failure to an individual and what that looks like in material form,” Collins explained, using more words than necessary to describe a room full of sad objects.
The exhibition features a “Wall of Reject,” plastered with employment rejection letters and firing notices submitted by local residents. Curators say the volume of submissions has been so high that Vancouver is considering ending recycling programs due to a lack of material for pickup.
Among the more prominent displays is a wedding dress contributed by Jennifer Campbell, who is also Collins’ mother. “I wanted to tell a story about a failing that occurred in my marriage, and how we were able to move on,” Campbell said. She has titled the piece Threads of Innocence, “because it’s about the innocence of false fairy tales. Things you think are going to happen when you’re young, and then don’t.”
The dress is displayed near the exit, which visitors and her ex have described as “appropriate.”
Casey Vilensky, a bladesmith from Lynn Valley Forge, submitted a knife he forged that turned out to be permanently dull due to the chemical properties of his quenching oil. “Failure is a step forward,” Vilensky said, holding a knife that cannot cut anything, including metaphors.
“You have to be able to look back at your failures, figure out why they failed, and change the process,” he added, which is also the unofficial motto of British Columbia’s housing policy.
Not sure what this is, but maybe a failed attempt to build your own girlfriend. (museumofpersonalfailure/instagram)
Additional exhibits include photographs and artifacts from failed relationships, tie rods from a botched car repair, a record of “failed songs” from a local music producer, and a promotional stamp Collins made to advertise the museum, which he completed before realizing it would print backwards.
“I got most of the way through before it occurred to me that this was going to make a backwards image,” Collins admitted. The stamp is now part of the permanent “recursion” collection.
Each item is accompanied by a written explanation from its donor. “Looking at the actual objects, you’re like, ‘This is just a thing. But within the context, it’s imbued with meaning,” Collins said, with a conviction that could only result from many years of recreational drug experimentation.
The Museum of Personal Failure runs through February 3 at the Kingsgate Mall in Vancouver, after which it will presumably close, completing the thematic arc.
Mall security has requested that visitors stop crying near the food court.
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