Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
When 'Doctor Odyssey' goes from being a TV drama to a reality show. (youtube.com/abc7ny)
There’s nothing like the freedom of being out on a boat in the open air. The wind running through your hair, the sun at your back, and not a care in the world. Okay, maybe there is one thing better – doing all of it without clothes on when it’s not your boat. At least that was one of the, probably many, thoughts going through intrepid adventurer Stephen Blasetti’s head after he swiped a dinghy in New York City, then rowed it to a second watercraft moored in the Hudson River that he also stole. [He swiped the dinghy from Dyckman Marina… DYCKMAN Marina! No, nothing? OK, I guess I’m proud that you’re taking the high road – Ed.]
Cops eventually caught up with Blasetti and took him downtown to ask him some questions. The first question was likely “where are your clothes?” When asked what happened to his dinghy, he probably replied “that’s a personal question, but I’d like a prison gown.” Regardless, he was taken into custody and taken to the New York Presbyterian Hospital for observation, proving that crime doesn’t pay, right? WRONG! By donning a disguise, the slippery sailor flew the coop from the hospital and, as of press time, was still on the run.
Blasetti’s daring escape occurred after the police officer on duty fell asleep, probably having a dream about stealing a boat, or maybe one involving donuts, because nothing’s funnier than a stereotype about cops! The prisoner somehow wriggled out of his handcuffs, donned a doctor’s coat, and calmly walked out of the hospital. Other hospital employees may have just assumed it was another doctor in a hurry to leave the hospital, and anyone looking for him probably didn’t recognize what he looked like with clothes on.
To go from naked to impersonating a doctor over the course of three days is certainly impressive. In movie terms, he went from ‘Free Willy’ to ‘Fletch’ without skipping a beat. As for why he actually did this in the first place, a news report believed that he may have been under the influence of drugs (possibly meth), which is why he was taken to the hospital for observation.
Before his escape, he was facing grand larceny, criminal possession of stolen property, and reckless endangerment charges. Now he’s likely facing a slew more, perhaps impersonating a doctor without a medical license. So if you’re on the streets of NYC and get offered a free exam from someone wearing a stethoscope and nothing else, proceed at your own risk. And remember, crime doesn’t pay, unless it does.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
