Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
While you can’t spell “Commodores” without “odor,” the band’s former frontman, Lionel Richie, claimed that another iconic singer from the ‘70s and ‘80s actually smelled all night long – and during the day too. We’re talking about the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, and according to Richie’s new memoir, Truly, Jackson truly stank to high heaven.
Bad. Not just an album title, but apparently a description of his smell. (xyz fotos/depositphotos)
While Billie Jean may not have been Jackson’s lover, neither was hygiene, if you believe what Richie states in his book. In fact, Quincy Jones, who produced Jackson’s most famous albums, nicknamed him “Smelly,” apparently. “Michael would laugh too, realizing that he was oblivious to the fact that he hadn’t changed or washed his clothes for a couple of days or so,” he writes. “We all have our quirks.”
Richie claims that it was Jackson’s newfound independence that made him smell. “Michael was very close with his siblings and his mom, but once he went solo, making these monster albums, movies, and videos, he was in charge of his own ship,” he writes. “His day-to-day life was what you could call eccentric. Like an absent-minded professor but still a kid.” Perhaps playing with chimps might have added to it, and it also would’ve given him an alibi. If someone claimed he smelled, it would’ve been easy enough to say, “That’s not me, it’s Bubbles.”
There were several other factors behind Jackson’s stench, none of which make that much sense. Richie said he’d told him that he was so famous that if he sent clothes out to be cleaned, they wouldn’t be returned, with people keeping his stuff as souvenirs. While that could be why he only wore one glove, it’s not like eBay is full of people selling Jackson’s old clothes. He also says he’d wear the same pairs of jeans over and over, and they were either “falling off him or too short to even be jeans.” When he inquired about a pair of pants that he’d been repeatedly wearing, Jackson said that he’d walked by a store and the owner gave him a free pair. Okay, but wouldn’t the store owner have asked him his size?
Hello, is it D(eodorant) you're looking for? (s_bukley/depositphotos)
Richie claims that one time, he even lent Jackson a pair of pants and underwear and told him to shower for what had apparently been the first time in days. After driving him home and returning, he says he found a surprise. “I passed by the living room and noticed that there on the carpet was a pair of Michael Jackson’s underwear and his old ratty jeans,” he wrote. “Just lying there like roadkill. What do I do but laugh? MJ was here.” Guess Diana wasn’t the only one who was dirty. Sorry to speak ill of the dead MJ, but the way you make me feel is a little grossed out.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
