One of the 18,000 mulletted Jaromir Jagr bobbleheads being held captive in an unkown location. (Pittsburgh Penguins)
Hockey is such a weird sport when you think about it. It takes the grace of figure skating, the brutality of bare-knuckle brawling, and takes the boredom of a game going into overtime because nobody scored from soccer, then puts it all on frozen water. To add to that, there are no silly hats involved in a hat trick, dead cephalopods are sometimes thrown on the ice, and every so often, a truckload of bobbleheads en route to the Pittsburgh Penguins gets stolen, which is exactly what happened earlier this month.
Photo from the National Bobblehead Hall Of Fame, who also has no idea where the Jagr bobbleheads are, but might not ask questions if one showed up there. (Adam Moss/Creative Commons)
The burgled bobbleheads, crafted in the likeness of former Penguins captain Jaromir Jagr, were intended to be handed out to all fans at a game in Pittsburgh on March 14th. However, the last known place the multitude of mulleted figurines were seen was California, which means they could be optioning their disappearance into a heist film that will go straight to a streaming service, partying with Kardashians, or hanging out with any number of insecure movie stars that need 18,000 yes men. Either way, the cargo truck full of mini-Jagrs hasn’t been seen since it arrived.
As a result of the Pittsburgh (bobblehead) stealers, the Penguins needed to come up with a contingency plan, which was to provide fans with a voucher – because what’s more fun to show your allegiance to your favorite team than having a piece of paper on your work desk, trophy case, or car dashboard? The voucher was good for a replacement bobblehead, which was probably no consolation to anyone but Jagr himself, who was not only in attendance but also got the only one that isn’t currently being stripped for parts or displayed to a disappointed mob boss that was hoping for a cargo truck full of 18,000 actual penguins. Perhaps the most suspect thing about the whole situation is that they were playing the San Jose Sharks, which is, not-so-mysteriously, a city in California. The vouchers will be redeemable once replacements are made or the contraband is located.
Update: The purloined Pens contraband was found, a return was negotiated and they’re now back in Pittsburgh. Who doesn’t love a happy ending?
