Creatine or the start of a delicious sourdough? It's hard to tell. Either way, add water. (Rasbak/Wikimedia)
Have you heard of Ben Griffin? No, not Brian Griffin, that’s a cartoon dog and he’s not even real. It’s okay if you haven’t, because that means you only watch exciting sports. It turns out that he’s a professional golfer, which is fascinating if you’re over 60 or a fashion company that specializes in making tacky clothing, but of less interest to the vast majority of other sports fans.
At any rate, Griffin is a 29-year-old up-and-comer who’s been making some noise in the US golf world for the past three years, and if there’s one thing golfers hate, it’s noise. Another thing they’re not too fond of is drugs that negatively enhance their performance, and that’s what happened to him recently. The drug? Creatine. The reason it affected his performance? He took way too much of it.
You'd think the main drug in this picture would be grass… (bengriffingolf/instagram)
Creatine in and of itself isn’t illegal in most sports. It’s a naturally occurring compound in humans, but in its synthetic form, it can enhance workouts and muscle mass, or at least that’s what that buff guy at the gym told us without being asked. Griffin is also a big fan, as in he’s using it enough to get big, which probably makes him a fan. Except for on Sunday at the BMW Championship.
Upon taking his creatine supplement before the tournament started, Griffin noticed there was a “snowball” of the stuff at the bottom, so he did what any other drug user would do with a big ball of drugs – broke it up and dumped it in his water. Wait, that’s not what you would do with a drug that was clumped together in a rock form? OK, well, whatever, that means you’re not Ben Griffin, who drank the remainder of his water with abandon.
It didn’t quite work out well for the golfer, though. “I accidentally swallowed one of the big rocks in my water bottle,” Griffin said following the round. “I’ve never overdosed on creatine before, but I think I did in that moment because I didn’t really drink any water after that. I basically just inhaled a snowball.” That caused him to feel, as he said, “super shaky.” After the first two holes, he was jittery, and by the middle of the third, he was six over par, and in his words, “freaking out,” and probably calling his creatine dealer to get some more, stat.
There’s a happy ending to the story, however. Although he was feeling like he might need to withdraw from the tournament, his caddie stepped in, told him to chug some water, and flush it out of his system. He calmed down, crushed the rest of the tournament, and finished in 15th place. Did he learn his lesson and swear off creatine for good? Absolutely not. He told reporters, “I don’t think I’ll be taking too much creatine in the future. I will take it, but not in the amount that I probably did on the golf course, which wasn’t probably a healthy amount.” So, in short, say yes to drugs in the golf world, but use moderation.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
