Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
Not to be overdramatic, but Sunday’s big game is the last time you’ll be seeing a professional football game for almost seven months. That’s a bummer for many NFL fans, since they’re going to have to come up with an entirely different excuse for day drinking on a Sunday (and sure, “brunch” counts, but most people don’t have six-hour brunches where betting is involved). Also sad: anyone who creates and sells chicken wings aside from the chicken. There’s one guy, however, who’s probably very relieved by this: Brian Fowler (no relation to chicken), who attended an exhausting 56 NFL games this season.
You'd smile too – until you remember you just paid $80 to park. (facebook.com/allinautumnwind)
Fowler, who must really enjoy paying $12 for a Bud Light, broke the world record for the most games attended in a single season in just 72 days and about 21 hours. The previous record was 74 days, set all the way back in 2021. The California man wound up visiting 30 stadiums to achieve his record, and visited some more than once to make sure to see a home game for each team that shared a venue, like Metlife Stadium, which hosts both the NY Jets and the NY Giants, but is in New Jersey.
There’s actually an altruistic reason for Fowler breaking the record. He’s doing it for his mom, who was also a football fan and had passed away from breast cancer in 2021. “I had a hole in my heart and was seeking to fill it – or at least to distract from it,” he told Guinness after breaking his record. “And so I started traveling to Raider games, both in Las Vegas and away games around the country.” His record-breaking run led him to an average of three games per week, which makes sense given that there are regular season games on Mondays, Thursdays, and Sundays. Resigning from his job probably played a part as well. Resigning from his job and traveling around the country to watch football makes him an American hero.
The fact that he’s a Raiders fan makes things even more difficult for Fowler. By seeing 56 games this year, he got to see the exact number of games his favorite team has won since 2017. At least he got to see some teams win games, which only happened three times this year for the Raiders. He might have been very surprised initially to hear a stadium full of people cheering and clapping, as opposed to cursing, booing, and stunned silence. The three games they won this season is 50% more than they won the season before, and that 2-14 record actually inspired him to try to gun for the World Record. So while the Raiders might not have broken any world records apart from “most disappointed fanbase,” at least one of them is now a record holder.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
