Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
Thirty passengers were safely evacuated from a cruise ship after a reef in Fiji, normally known more for its drinking water than reefs, caused it to run ashore. While it sounds like a drag, the incident was actually pretty awesome because it happened near Monuriki Island, the setting for much of the movie ‘Cast Away.’ For those who haven’t seen the 2000 classic, it stars Wilson the Volleyball and also includes supporting roles by Tom Hanks, Helen Hunt, and a friendly whale in the middle of the terrifyingly vast ocean.
Behold the natural world, in all its beauty and brutality. (KhufuOsiris/Wikimedia Commons)
There was no evidence of foul play, though internet rumors have been swirling that several people named Wilson were aboard the ship, and one of them may have once played in an intramural volleyball league in college. So, you know, make of that what you will.
‘Cast Away’ is often cited as one of the ten best movies ever that features a volleyball as a main character. Initial reports did not indicate whether any volleyballs with hypnotic faces were spotted at or near the island, or whether such balls might have acted as sirens of a sort, luring the tourist vessel into the entwining grasp of its reef. But if further reports confirm that this is indeed what happened, we will be sure to let you know.
Some were just born to be on camera. (Nelson Kwok/Wikimedia Commons)
“‘Cast Away’ was a great flick,” said a local tourist nearby. “I mean, that dog that Tom Hanks was being a cop with in that movie, Wilson the Dog, that was hilarious and entertaining as heck.” The tourist paused and reflected for a moment, then said, “Actually, I think that was ‘Turner and Hooch.’ Never mind. Oh yeah, ‘Cast Away,’ with the volleyball. Hey, any time you get people to cry because of a scene involving athletic equipment, you know you’re some kind of storyteller.”
“This actually gives me an idea,” said a rival cruise ship operator. “What about offering visits to the island as a weight loss program? Getting stranded on an island might cause lots of hardship and suffering, but it does also guarantee tremendous weight loss. I think people might pay top dollar for that. Can you not print this quote, so I can work on that as a business plan?”
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
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