Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
A mountain climber reached the height of the Odd News Summit when he recently had to be rescued twice within a week. A university student, 27, perhaps majoring in Persistence Despite Hard Truths, was first rescued when he tried to climb Mt. Fuji in Japan but lost his crampons, important climbing tools that attach to boots. Oops.
Mt. Fuji is a wonder of nature, and just imagine how great the phone reception must be near the top. (Osumi Akari/Wikimedia Commons)
But this student was clearly familiar with the popular saying: If at first you don’t succeed, go back for your phone. And that’s what he did, trying again to ascend the legendary mountain, outside of climbing season, no less, because he left his phone and other items behind. This time, he experienced altitude sickness and had to be rescued again, five days after the first ordeal. Double oops.
The man has not been identified, but it is known that he really cares a lot about his phone – which narrows it down to almost everybody in the world.
“At first, I was tempted to mock the fellow,” said a guy who gets his news from podcasts. “But then I realized that if I’m without my phone for more than a few minutes, I go into a panic and start having sweats and withdrawal symptoms. So I have to salute the man for his valor and bravery to do what he believes in, which apparently is climbing mountains unsuccessfully at the cost of money and manpower.”
“What’s the point of climbing a mountain if you can’t take great photos and then post them online?” said a woman standing in a park, who made a really good point. “So yeah, I definitely understand why he would go back for his phone.”
“I love you, phone, let’s never be apart.” (Mohi Syed/Pexels)
“The great thing about climbing a mountain with your phone,” said a man who doesn’t climb mountains but watches a lot of documentaries, “is that the higher you go, the faster your cell phone service gets. That’s how it works, right? I mean, you’re closer to the satellites in space.” He added, “Plus, I assume there’s a guest WiFi on the mountain. How could there not be? What is this, the 1800s?”
After the second rescue, the persistent climber realized embarrassingly that he had left his keys up on the mountain. He then had to be restrained from making a third unsuccessful climbing attempt.
This article is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
