Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
The sunfish is one of the longest bony fish in the world, which kind of sounds more like an insult than something they should be bragging about. Then again, you probably wouldn’t want to intimidate a 3,000 pound fish. Also, “sunfish” is a pretty odd name for something that lives underwater, until reading that they tend to hang out near the surface to catch some rays. Sun rays, not sting or manta rays. At any rate, CNN reports that an aquarium in Japan had a sunfish that was having some issues, or fish-ues, if you will.
If you think there’s something fishy about this, you’re right. (Kaikyokan/X)
See, the Kaikyokan Aquarium in Shimonoseki, southern Japan, closed for renovations in December. We’re imagining they put up a sign that says “closed for renovations – sea ya in 2025!” but we digress. Anyway, this particular sunfish seemed curious, a staff member said, and would swim up to the visitors gawking at it. After the closure, the big guy’s sunny disposition disappeared. It stopped eating its meal of peanut butter and jellyfish (ok, actually just jellyfish), and would rub its body up against the tank. The staff assumed that it might be having digestive issues or a parasite.
“We couldn’t figure out the cause and took various measures, but one of the staff members said, ‘Maybe it’s lonely because it misses the visitors,” the aquarium said in a post on X. “We thought 99% chance ‘No way!’ But we attached the uniforms of the staff members (to the tank)” with a little bit of hope, the aquarium said. Then… the next day, it was in good health again!”
Sunfish does duck face for the ‘gram. (OpenCage/Creative Commons)
The picture the museum posted proves one thing – sunfish are gullible AF. All the place did was basically tape a couple of uniforms to the tank with cardboard cutouts of faces affixed to them. You can even see the hangars the faces are attached to. But unmoving paper faces and a disembodied shirt was all it took for the sunny’s delight to return. Okay, maybe a little more, as the aquarium says that some workers wave to it as well, which is a hell of a thing to put on your resume.
Apparently, the museum will remain closed for six months, so it remains to be seen if the fish will enter another emo phase when he realizes his visitors aren’t actual people. We’re not fish experts here at Odd News, but maybe they should get it another sunfish to hang out with? That seems to works with cats – and people as well.
This article is based on fully factual news, so if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
