Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
Remember the Fyre Festival? If you went, you surely did, especially since the 2017 concert event promoted by Billy McFarland and Ja Rule was canceled after some attendees had already arrived in the Bahamas. The unfortunate would-be concertgoers had paid at least $1,000 per ticket to find a disorganized mess and few artists, since many canceled after discovering just how bad things were there. Even if you didn’t make it, you may have seen one of two documentaries about the fiasco, because nothing’s funnier than a failed luxury festival and the schadenfreude involved with it.
These are just some of the people who won’t be going to Fyre Festival 2. (Joe Van/Creative Commons)
McFarland was sued by just about everyone, convicted of wire fraud (or is that Fyre fraud?), and sentenced to jail, where he served four years of a six-year sentence. When he was finally sprung from prison, he obviously learned the errors of his ways after a lot of time to reflect and – oh wait, no – he announced a Fyre Fest 2.
“I’m sure many people think I’m crazy for doing this again. But I feel I’d be crazy not to do it again,” McFarland said in a statement announcing the new festival in February. This one was set to take place in Mexico from May 30 to June 2, with tickets ranging from $1,400 to over $1 million. We say “was set to take place,” because—and you may find this hard to believe—but the new Festival has been postponed. ABC News reported that a ticketholder got an email stating, “The event has been postponed and a new date will be announced. We have issued you a refund. Once the new date is announced, at that time, you can repurchase if it works for your schedule.”
Other than a promoter who went to jail for the Festival’s first version, what could have gone wrong? Well, as the previous documentaries showed us how bad the first one was, quite a bit could go wrong. But hearing that there was another one planned was news to the people of Isla Mujeres, Mexico, where the event was to have been held. The tourism secretary of the State of Quintana Roo (where Isla Mujeres is located) said he’d never heard of the Fyre Festival, and no event was happening there. Then the Twitter account for Playa del Carmen stated that there was no registration, communication, or planning that would lead them to believe it was happening.
See this? It’s not happening! (fyre.com)
And who would be dumb enough to buy another ticket to a festival that had a better chance of not happening? Odd News spoke to one such idiot. “Boy, do I feel dumb,” the disappointed concertgoer said. “I mean, it looked amazing when I read the lineup, but then I took a closer look after buying a VIP ticket. I’m not sure who Megan Thee Scallion, Billie Irish, Sabrina Contractor, or Pre Malone even are. Not to mention Blink 181, Maroon 6 and 26 Pilots.
“I was still looking forward to the food and lodging, however,” they continued. “I’d planned on eating cheese sandwiches with three or four slices of cheese instead of two, and was hoping for a luxury cot. I’m not sure when tickets will go back on sale, but I can’t wait. Maybe Diddy will play!”
This article is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
