Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
Sometimes, trendy collaborations are just mint to be. The Los Angeles gourmet grocery store Erewhon is teaming up with toothpaste company Boka to offer a minty smoothie that doesn’t have any actual toothpaste in it. But if the Mint Condition Smile Smoothie sounds like a gimmick, then maybe you need to brush aside your cynicism and brace yourself for this crowning achievement of Western civilization.
Because at $11, this is actually a reasonable smoothie price for Erewhon, which has offered celeb-collab smoothies for $20. So, at only $11, trendy shoppers indeed have a reason to smile at this breath of fresh air that will only be available during November, truly a reason to give thanks.
Refreshing and shameless – what's not to love? (boka/Instagram)
Some people, though, are less than thrilled with the green concoction. “I’d be willing to pay 8 or 9 dollars for a toothpaste-flavored smoothie, as any reasonable person would,” said a guy in L.A. who doesn’t like to drive or go to the beach. “But $11? That’s a dental bridge too far. Hey, I just thought of that pun as I was talking! You should definitely print that.”
“Talk about pulp fiction,” said another guy, who is an aspiring screenwriter but currently selects which annoying songs will be played in ads on YouTube. “You thought Vincent Vega was shocked by a 5 dollar shake – an 11 dollar toothpaste smoothie is nearly crazy enough to cause someone to accidentally shoot a backseat passenger in the face.”
Now, weirdo adults who swallow their toothpaste finally have another option. (byrdie/Instagram)
The name Erewhon is an anagram of “nowhere” and comes from the name of an 1872 novel, a satire of Victorian society written by Samuel Butler. While some might view that as a somewhat pretentious backstory for the naming of a grocery store, it also sheds some light on a place that does smoothie partnering projects with the likes of Hailey Bieber and a toothpaste company.
“There is no toothpaste in the drink, so perhaps this was just a ploy to get articles written and free press for it,” noted an incisive woman standing near a CVS parking lot. “And apparently it has worked. So, who’s laughing with shiny, pearly white teeth now?”
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
