Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
SHILLINGTON, Pa. — It’s been said that dogs are man’s best friend, but that’s only when you’re on their good side. One Pennsylvania man found out the hard way and is currently hospitalized because his trigger-happy dog shot him in the back. The unlucky gentleman was cleaning his shotgun, as one does, when he placed it on his bed, where he then sat down. His dog must have seen an opportunity and seized it, jumping up on the bed and discharging the shotgun.
We don't know what breed the actual dog was, but the only shot we'd want from this dog is from the barrel around his neck. (PxHere/Wikimedia)
Luckily for the man, his son was also in the house and was able to call an ambulance without also getting shot by the dog. The victim was found conscious on the floor, taken to the hospital, and immediately underwent surgery, but a hospital spokesperson said he would probably need more surgeries.
The dog, one of three in the residence, hasn’t been charged with anything yet, but police, none of whom, ironically, was McGruff, the crime dog, are allegedly investigating the incident. “Was it irresponsible to place a loaded gun on a bed? Quite possibly, but what’s the worst thing that could happen, one of my dogs shoots me and I make national news?”, the man probably thought.
“It’s about time I made him beg for a change,” the dog said when contacted by Odd News. “Have you seen the sweaters he makes me wear? The utter debasement he puts me through just to give me a treat. It’s humiliating, not to mention the two other dogs dared me to do it, and I’m not one to back down from a dare, especially when it’s a double dog dare. I’ll bet he takes better care of us when he gets back. Or at the very least, decides to clean his shotgun a hell of a lot more carefully.”
One of the things missing from the news story was the breed of dog. Obviously, it was an aggressive animal, and while we can’t say for sure, it was probably one of these breeds:
- Shootle
- Labrador Revolver
- Boston Terror
- Cockandloadadoodle
- French Bulletdog
- Chihuahuatchout
- Shottweiler
- Afghun Hound
McGruff had an alibi that seems to involve pumpkins. (Facebook/McGruffatNCPC)
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
