Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
There are a lot of things criminal organizations traffic in. Gambling, drugs, prostitution, and we’re not even mentioning American politics. One thing you probably wouldn’t expect a bunch of criminals to be arrested for is the theft and resale of chairs overseas, but Spain’s national police just arrested seven people who have stolen over 1,100 of them over the past two months. While the group will be punished, they’re probably not going to get the chair.
These seats aren't taken… yet. (Jim.Henderson/Creative Commons)
The thefts started in August and targeted restaurants and bars in Madrid and a smaller town, Talavera de la Rein, southwest of Madrid. All of the venues in question were outdoors, and left their chairs outside overnight, mostly stacked and chained together. That proved no issue to the thieves, who racked up the theft of 1,100 chairs valued at $69,000 throughout September before getting caught. That’s an average of over $60/chair, which begs the question as to where these places are getting their chairs. It sure as hell ain’t Ikea.
What qualifies this story as Odd News-worthy is that this was a multinational crime ring, with the stolen seats shipped to countries including Romania and Morocco. Is there a chair shortage in those countries? Were Romanian and Moroccan warlords in touch with the criminals, saying, “Nah, we don’t need drugs, and stop sending us women as well. Do you have a connection for some of those fine Spanish chairs?” None of that has been explained yet, but maybe someone could talk to the chairman of the organization and get to the bottom of it.
After the thefts, Spanish customers had to stand up for something (food and drink). (Sebastian Ballard/Creative Commons)
In the meantime, if you’re in Madrid or Talavera de la Rein and visiting an outdoor restaurant, you may not have to wait for a table, but you could be waiting for chairs for a while. Apparently, police have been warning outdoor bars and restaurants that they should take extra precautions so that their eating establishments remain seating establishments.
As to whether this is just a one-off, we’ll have to wait to see if there’s another ring of chair thefts, since it’s the first we’d heard of chairs being so in demand that they’re being shipped in from other countries. But if there’s a demand, we’re sure someone will step in to fill it. Until then, we’ve got a suggestion for all outdoor restaurants and bars in Madrid and beyond: picnic tables.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
