Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
There has been a lot of buzz in Texas about hosting some FIFA World Cup matches, but it turns out that was just a warm-up for the real buzz. Almost two million bees recently got loose in a rural town in southeast Texas when a truck carrying lots of hives overturned. “Call me old-fashioned,” said a local man buying licorice at a general store, “but in my day, when we transported millions of bees, which we did all the time, of course, we would lock the container they were kept in. And we would use a very strong, reliable lock, not like the cheap ones made today. That way, even if there were an accident, the bees would remain secured and unable to fly free and wreak terrifying havoc on unsuspecting bystanders. But hey, what do I know? I’m from a different era.”
"There have to be better jobs than this out there, right?" (Queen Bee Supply Moore Honey Farm via CBS Chicago/YouTube)
The incident stemmed from a misunderstanding: the truck driver was told to be extra careful while hauling a truck full of beehives, but he misheard and thought they had said not to be careful at all. “No one’s at fault here,” said an official. “Just a simple miscommunication between professionals.”
When the bees escaped from the truck and gained temporary freedom, many of them engulfed a nearby tree, making for quite the sight and even causing a branch to snap off. “When I heard the massive buzzing sound,” said a nearby shopper at a mall, “I was concerned that it was an existential scream from deep within me, lamenting the excruciating crush of daily modern existence. Fortunately, it turned out to just be millions of bees on the loose, so that was a relief.”
The whole incident was unpleasant, but did spark some ideas for aspiring horror film directors. (Queen Bee Supply/Facebook via CBS Chicago/YouTube)
People in the area with bee allergies were told to stay indoors. “We wanted to be clear that those with any type of allergy to bees or bee stings should stay inside until the situation was under control,” said an expert who went to a really good college. “But for everyone else without allergies, they should feel free to go outside and frolic about as usual. Because really, what harm can millions of bees do to a healthy person?”
First responders and beekeepers were quickly at the scene after the incident to gather the bees and hives onto other trucks. The beehives will go to a local honey farm, which will collect delicious honey from the bees that has a special flavor profile of highway asphalt and the inside of a truck.
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
